Well you know how i called Derby a shithole? i take it back! this is something extraordinary. I would love to say things like this happen in Derby everyday, but quite frankly, they don't. we pretend to be something we're not half the time. We have a gigantic wheel in the square to make us look as though we're interesting but we really aren't.

I wish that for a week, no, a month. we could be like a capital. London, Paris, Berlin or Oslo. Somewhere with a bit of depth, prosperity, anguish, excitement! SOMETHING to stop my soulful self from thinking i need to find myself because i'm always mind numbingly bored. i should learn to play guitar again yes, i should tidy my room and keep it that way yes, i should do yogaeveryday to tone my body yes but why SHOULD i have to stay in this hell hole with no entertainment, no thrive, nothing what-so-ever to motivate me. 

i feel like i'm a brick in the middle of a desert. 

something that's not meant to be there. with no purpose of its surroundings and yet to find it's true purpose in the correct atmosphere. 

i will get out of Derby one day. 

One Day.

This shithole i call home.

why would your mum call a house this... oh yeah i have a strange family and i'm the only sane one.

if theres one thing i loath in this world more than needles and Shane. is my mum. you are literally the epitome of all evil.

Succession...


If it means alot to you - A Day To Remember


Always Attract - You Me At Six


Remembering Sunday - All Time Low

CREEPY CREEPY GUY.

beware of this guy. he's a freak. wont leave you alone. wont stop adding me. and is just plain weird.


kthanksbye

i'm sorry

"I want us to live seperate lives. i can't deal with the distance."

Ok so insanity has taken hold of me once again, i'm a little needy, little annoying, lisp speaking crazy girl whom of which, when bored rights the most ridiculous things ever. 
I talked to you-know-who again. he asked me to go visit him at the hospital. and for once, when my heart raced...i didn't go. i didn't flee from where i was, i never made up some stupid excuse to leave my mates house just so i wouldn't fall out with them, i didn't go.
in a way i'm proud but there's this overwhelming feeling inside of me telling me that i should've. but i know by now it's the love and care i still feel for him. 
Anyhow,, for the past two weeks I've met some pretty funny people, all down to Rosa's new love. i must say it came at a surprise that she'd fall this quickly but he wouldn't stop pestering her/Stalking her... oh dear. but i must say out of their relationship i've met wonderful funny and entertaining people! :) besides the odd hick-up here and there lifes on its way to being great again. 




Ciao. xoxo

Today, Tomorrow, The Day After.

I can't help but notice i'm like meh this morning and i shouldn't be! James is coming. and I've been looking forward to it for such a long time. I think i'll feel better once he's here.
Even though my hearts not in it, i'm excited he's coming. 
should be good to have a new face here with me. 
oh and i bought a new camera! :) so happy about that.

You can have your shirts back, go get them from the ashes from when i burned them in a fire you prick.


You know, to say the least he should have some common decency to ask for them back himself. after all i did find out last night him and slag face broke up. i even contemplated trying to get him back!? what was i thinking. i've always been better off without you. better as a person. with my friends, family and just generally enjoying life instead having you there always holding me back and telling me who i can and can't be friends with. I was willing to give my whole life for you, metaphorically of course. i wouldn't ever take my life because for that bastard. i wouldn't let myself sink as low as him. 
But on another note, stupidly... I've unblocked him. the urge got the better of me. not only to find out what happened about him and slag face, but to see if he'd talk to me. i know i shouldn't have and to be honest it's going to drive me to tears again i know it. either that or he'll block me. one way or another I've just made a monumental mistake. 


Okay, lets move on from that shit. James comes in less than a day :) however, my rooms a tip, my hair only looks clean for about a day, i have no plans on what to do when he gets here (i'm basically winging it), he's now staying here til Wednesday which is a lot longer than i thought he was. Of course that's not exactly a problem. but it means i have to think of things to do so he doesn't get bored! :L anywho he's coming sunday and spending it here with me til Wednesday :) should be awesome.

First weeks pay! YES!!!

Rather amazing...

A gentle brush of her fingers,
Sending shivers down my spine.
In the love I see in her eyes,
Is a love that equals mine.

She greets me with a smile,
And leaves me with a kiss.
If she were to ever leave me,
I couldn't imagine what I'd miss.

Maybe it's her touch,
Or the way she makes me feel.
But whatever it is,
I'm head over heels.
Xxxxxx ♥♥♥♥

"My heart still beats for you, even though yours beats for someone else."

Today's occurances.

I woke up this morning and i felt like total crap, worthless to whatever point of my existence and it just sorta luls me over when i get up and realize i've also screwed over my friend who i was quite close to if i'm honest, as i was meant to go meet him to help him hand CV's out. so i've re-arranged to see him at two now. whether he replies after me bailing on him i will never know. 
However on the front of whats happened with Jen and Chris, i can imagine i will eventually miss her. i always miss him but that's just love as we know it.to be honest i wish i hadn't told her to fuck off out of my life. i will miss her she had been a good friend. even if she says i wasn't a good enough friend. she helped an awful lot of the time. 
It was a bit like when i lost Rosa i missed her for an awful long time before i even bothered about doing anything to make up for it and get her back and for us to be friends again.

After everything, all the hard work i've put in. the pain i've gone through. all for this. to have to lose a best friend. to have to have that pricks name brought up in conversation once more.

i'll admit now that i'll miss the chats i had with Jen, and being like a big sister but it gets beyond ridiculous when the girl lies to my face and then  tells another one of my mates to cover for her? thats just wrong. i woulda respected her if she'd have just told me straight up. 

then to top it off having her talking to chris about me? neither of them have any right to tell me what i can and can't do with my life. so what i slept with two lads!? big fucking woop.

Co workers :) and met mitzy and the mrs costello! from hollyoaks!

the days i count down til that special day!

16 days!

David Archuleta - Crush

Apparently me and rosa were "with" each other ;) innuendo much?

YES YES YES YES!? too happy right now!?

 To do...

email CV to the new venue on green street,

re-do my CV to what Loz taught me.

tidy room,

shower, (of course)

watch the two transformers i haven't already seen.

Paint my nails

Pamper myself...

....i'm sure that they'll be more to add to the list in a bit...

I need a clear out its unreal! my room is a tip my head is all over. and i've got things being thrown at me from all angles!
i've applied for JSA, seen apartments that i want to rent with Rosa, handed out multiple CV's,  got a trial at limes bar,  got an audition for btec dance at burton college and have an amazing guy in the picture.

So far,,,life's pretty sweet!

what i want to bass this blog  on is my previous antics in the last week or soo...

here goes ;)

Since i can remember being 13 years of age i've always had this fear of approaching someone scary or inferior. and for some reason recently after breaking up with my ex boyfriend (christopher).  i dont seem to have that fear  anymore. it's like i'm more scared of having my heart broken! or letting my wall down and someone figures me out before i have even figured out myself! another thing i can NOT stand.
The Dentists.  

I HATE THE DENTISTS. i Vow after that time and the next filling i have to get i will NEVER go back. i hate needles. and i had to have two!? for one filling because my stupid fucking gum wouldn't numb up!!!

but enough of moaning about things i'm terrified of, i'm teaching myself guitarr :) so far only learntt the intro to old yellow bricks..but i'm getting there with learning the rest of the song.

Right thats all for today there isn't much else i'd like to say bar the fact  i need to attach a photo from the day to this post! hopefully will do it later...

Ciao xoxo

Discovery

Today;

Long day

boring, spontaneous & alluring.

-applied for more dance schools but in derby, non of which do my level of "Expertise", if that's what you want to call it. 

-Applied for JSA (happy face)

-Have Rosa round.. 

i  learnt something today that could earn me a valuable lesson in love. We're all looking for something in the opposite sex, or for homosexuals of course the same sex. What i'm getting at is that everyone's looking for traits to check off our checklist for that special someone.

We're all looking for that special person, eventually. 

And when it comes to trying to look for the person no1 fits the criteria, until you don't expect it and you fall right into their arms and fall hopelessly in love with that person who suddenly meets your criteria, but then you realize your criteria comes with problems and side-effects. It happens to the best of us. we always fall for the wrong person. then when we know full well they were wrong for you we miss them  unconditionally.

We've all been there. and if you haven't then it will more than likely happen to you if you aren't careful. some girls and lads are clever enough not to get too deep. or even clever enough not to cheat or do anything wrong so that the relationship is perfect, and of course when things become perfect, they become boring. and eventually lose the spark. and even those types of relationships, the perfect ones fall apart eventually.

But to really sum up what i'm on about. we all search so hard for the one. 

But is there only just one? i'd love to say there is but there isn't. we'll fall for the people we don't expect ourselves to. and look so hard for the one that we can't  find them until one day. we find them.but until then, don't look because the harder you look the longer it will take for you to find them. criteria's only meet a vast limited amount of people. women or men. the search is so defined that it will never be found when looking for it. 

or what im trying to say the one is hard to find.

anyways rant over :) love is complicated! end of! <3

Stumble upon!

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/2KT2L4/www.amazingposts.com/2007/07/lifes-instructions.html%253Fm%253D1

1. Have a firm handshake.
2. Look people in the eye.
3. Sing in the shower.
4. Own a great stereo system.
5. If in a fight, hit first and hit hard.
6. Keep secrets.
7. Never give up on anybody. Miracles happen everyday.
8. Always accept an outstretched hand.
9. Be brave. Even if you're not, pretend to be. No one can tell the difference.
10. Whistle.
11. Avoid sarcastic remarks.
12. Choose your life's mate carefully. From this one decision will come 90 per cent of all your happiness or misery.
13. Make it a habit to do nice things for people who will never find out.
14. Lend only those books you never care to see again.
15. Never deprive someone of hope; it might be all that they have.
16. When playing games with ! children, let them win.
17. Give people a second chance, but not a third.
18. Be romantic.
19. Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know.
20. Loosen up. Relax. Except for rare life-and-death matters, nothing is as important as it first seems.
21. Don't allow the phone to interrupt important moments. It's there for our convenience, not the caller's.
22. Be a good loser.
23. Be a good winner.
24. Think twice before burdening a friend with a secret.
25. When someone hugs you, let them be the first to let go.
26. Be modest. A lot was accomplished before you were born.
27. Keep it simple.
28. Beware of the person who has nothing to lose.
29. Don't burn bridges. You'll be surprised how many times you have to cross the same river.
30. Live your life so that your epitaph could read, No Regrets
31. Be bold and courageous. When you look back on life, you'll regret the
32. things you didn't do more than the one's you did.
33. Never waste an opportunity to tell someone you love them.
34. Remember no one makes it alone. Have a grateful heart and be quick to acknowledge those who helped you.
35. Take charge of your attitude. Don't let someone else choose it for you.
36. Visit friends and relatives when they are in hospital; you need only stay a few minutes.
37. Begin each day with some of your favorite music.
38. Once in a while, take the scenic route.
39. Send a lot of Valentine cards. Sign them, 'Someone who thinks you're terrific.'
40. Answer the phone with enthusiasm and energy in your voice.
41. Keep a note pad and pencil on your bed-side table. Million-dollar ideas sometimes strike at 3 a.m.
42. Show respect for everyone who works for a living, regardless of how trivial their job.
43. Send your loved ones flowers. Think of a reason later.
44. Make someone's day by paying the toll for the person in the car behind you.
45. Become someone's hero.
46. Marry only for love.
47. Count your blessings.
48. Compliment the meal when you're a guest in someone's home.
49. Wave at the children on a school bus.
50. Remember that 80 per cent of the success in any job is based on your ability to deal with people.
51. Don't expect life to be fair

The End ♥

i was a very happy go lucky girl before i met you, i had it all going for me. you fucked up my family, my friends, and my education mainly on influence but it was because of you.
i made a mistake recently thats knocked me down south. knocked me off my pedestal. knocked my confidence straight back down. 
You knew what you were doing all along. you couldn't stand that i was moving on from you.
You've had control over me for two years now. i wasn't time on you. Don't get me wrong when we were happy we were happier than every couple out there. what we had was something special. We have the happy memories but that's all that we will be anymore. memories. 
You've taken the heart i gave to you from the beginning and chucked it off a cliff for it only to be dashed against rough rocks to become jagged and fragile.
You can change the way you are but it wont be with me and the girl you've chosen over me will never know. i hope she doesn't find out through as much pain as me. 
this really is goodbye. i'm saying it through this so i can't go back on it. so i can look back at this and remember what you did to me. i'll remember the happy times and nothing will ever overcome that feeling i had with you. i don't doubt i might find that feeling again with someone else but until then i'll remember you.
You were a best friend when i had none. someone i never pictured having to let go of. of course i was naive to think that.  it was a bit like a fantasy with you. although everyone told us we never loved each other that was the one thing i was certain of. trust was never there. and i blame us both. the last six months with you i would've never changed i was happy. and although i cried over you. i am a drama queen and i admit i needed to lighten up.  i hope that in the future we can be friends.


"having to be so far from the one i adore it is encouraging to come back to your arms, more and more each day" 


some great love letters cannot begin to describe everything i had and felt with you. but love is never simple. love isn't just happiness. its heartache. Pain. and can cause the worst scar of all. You were the one. but i have to move on now. 
I hope we can be friends one day. and i hope you find happiness. 




Jeg elsker deg Christof.
我愛你斯托弗
Ma armastan sind Christopher
Je t'aime Christopher
Aš myliu jus Kristoforo


I love you. but the pain will go.

Dooms Day

The day when my heart stopped racing for you.

Baby Banter!

Dedicated to A Friend.

Although for a big part of my life I've never really been keen on thinking about giving birth, the idea of having a baby is the most appealing thing to me. Having a living organism growing inside you is something so strong. Something so much better than love. The feeling it gives you. You've made life. in your own way you're a creator. 
A mothers bond with a child is something a bit more sturdy than of a father's bond with his child. People say that the Dad knows when he holds the baby after birth. or the baby smiles :) 
i know, that besides wanting to have a child, that having one my age would never be suitable. (and i'll probably get disowned by my mother!) 
Recently found out a friend of mine is having a child, whom i am so happy for. And it just made me think that its such a beautiful thing for any woman, No matter what age. 


We learn from the things we do with every day of life. 
and with every life comes someone who has to teach that life.
all the things they learnt while creating their son or daughter. ♥

i love the girls i should hate, and hate the girls i should love.

For the first time i experienced town last night. Some of the worst few hours of my life. 
i felt under-dressed, fat, ugly and worst of all so pissed off and angry. 
Remember that girl i mentioned...Meghan Mackinnon ? Well i saw her in town and of course me being pissed as a fart and Christopher on his way to town i thought it was because he was meeting her?? yes i know. clever move to shove her right? WRONG! i will never do that again. i just want to have a good time the next time i go. if i ever dare go again! 
so on another note, i've noticed...people seem to get better looking as they get older? have better clothes, better make up, better personality...again why am i not like everybody else and do everything like everyone else? 
Just had a bit of a eventful weekend if i'm honest. didn't go to college friday so it pretty much started there. And on friday got asked to go to a party asked for someone to borrow my ID. (GOD I FEEL OLD NOW) 
Remember those days you wished you were older? Well i'm not obviously there now but now that I'm 18 its a privilege of  being able to do what the fuck i like...ha! it felt good showing my ID to the doormen of Mosh. ^_^ i must admit being 18 has is perks. 
Also on friday i went out with a new friend but still someone i've known a while, Stewart Campbell :) we had two jugs or whatever the special drink name it has to all three of us. The Jugs consisted of 6 shots in each jug and they cost fucking £7... and i paid for most of them! 

Hey, My friend Elisha is running for Miss Derby 2011, would you go on this site >http://www.missengland.info/regionals/derby and vote for her pretty please? the voting is almost over!!

Hey, My friend Elisha is running for Miss Derby 2011, would you go on this site >http://www.missengland.info/regionals/derby and vote for her pretty please? the voting is almost over!!

Answer here

Family Or Enemy?

Problems always start with boundaries. 

Recently, my family has been falling apart. 

and my mum is going insane. Quite frankly she's already crazy but this is getting a little out of hand. 

Banging on my bedroom door from 3 till 6 in the morning because a cat pissed on a curtain is fucking ridiculous.

with no sensitivity to the things you were saying about me and to me. You think you're working your whole life for me and my brother when all you do is put us down, tear us apart and spit in our face. 

so i vow no much how i'm going to miss you and need you that when i get out of this house. i will NEVER come crawling back.

There is sometimes i wonder how i come from your genetics because the things you say are so fucking cruel i know i'd never be able to say to my child. i hope to god that my child never turned out anything like you.
You are pretentious, arrogant, foolish, self centered, and a fucking bitch. 

people should know to stay the fuck away from you. thank god my boyfriend has steered me in the right direction not to end up like you and is clever enough to say the right things.
no wonder i called the fucking police on you.   

Checklist

Because i can't be bothered to write it down. and the next place to put it is on here.. ha ha

Things to do:tidy room.
shower & wash hair.
file my nails. 
paint my nails.
decide which NEW piercings i want after my birthday.
REVISE for psychology... -.-

I aim to look like this...one day! 

yes brit awards 10.15 on sunday! :D

As much as i don't want to admit it i think i might be in a dead end relationship.
Chris confirmed that if i want this relationship he's seeing it as a fun one. he knows i want a serious relationship one that will progress into moving in together. things like that. but how come he says stupid things like the other day when we got back together. I want to have kids with you and us live together. why does he take all these things back and say he wants to see this as fun? god only knows. but i'm going to talk to him tonight about it.

the dreaded three letter sentence.

for saying you can say it out of force of habit just proves that you can say it without meaning it.

Cei Cei && Miles

This girl just doesn't know when to quit. 
He doesn't know when to give up.


These two have a relationship that i seem quite familiar with. You try ever so hard to hold on to this magical feeling of butterflies and heavenly happiness. but one of you eventually start to pull away. and will be unfaithful. And the other gets hurts. They fight. and argue. lie. cheat. and mess about. but when is enough enough? As far as i know She has left him so many times he is finally having the epiphany i never could have. He is loving her less. and finding it easier to think about leaving her to her tricks. he is getting hurt everytime she desides she wants "a break".
i'm not happy to stand by and watch him get hurt so i've told him do whatever you want to make yourself happy. but the first sign of her not caring i told him to leave. i think he knows by now when is the breaking off point. because he was nearly pushed right over the edge this week.

I hope you find happiness. its what everyone deserves. 

i know that you can be happy with or without her. 

you can only know yourself, if its worth the risk

to damage your heart from such stupid love.

when she yanks and pulls those hearts strings.

please make sure your happy. and that you do whats best for you.
girls are just a waste of time especially when they don't care as much as you too. :)

be happy!! and dont let anyone walk all over you like she is doing. 

maybe its time we both just gave up, you can't handle me and i can't stomach how much you hurt me. <3

Heels

i want to be able to walk in heels. 

i'm happy but i want to rip your hair out.

Somethings not quite right

I am not in a happy place right now, i don't know what to say or do.
everything's slowing down, we're constantly just staying in and now its getting regular... i don't like it!

i am really unsteady, about everything he's doing. and what we are like. nothing is perfect but we were close to perfect. now it feels far from it. the foundation is crumbling. i can feel it. he told me i couldn't hugg him last night and he was IN MY BED!? whats that about. luckily i did get to in the end. but i swear if he says that again i'm making him sleep on the floor -.- ...CUNT.
things are not the same as before, and a lot of things are changing really quickly. i can't decide if my hearts slipping away or i'm just making things to pick on?

There's nothing to blog about...

However, I am getting up rather early tomoro so go meet a tattooist  to design my tattoo for my birthday!! :D YES!

Rosa ♥

Rosa

I think the worst thing right now is, she hasn't changed one bit. 
she hasn't grown up. 
she hasn't changed. which isn't a bad thing. i feel like i'm growing up too fast.
why can't she just accept my apology and me and her be friends again?
she has no idea i miss her this much. i still care. and i wish i could take everything i said, to her, back. 
she was the person i couldn't go a day without seeing or speaking to. when we fell out we'd both have apologized within the day.
we borrowed each others clothes. we shared everything. its not her fault. i don't blame her anymore. i blame myself. 
it was this time last year it happened. and i couldn't careless.
never mind a guy being my everything. 
your best friend is your everything. 
the one you laugh about with making your own silly little inside jokes. :')
funny faces.
movie montages.
photo booth fun ♥.
Stupid condom necklaces. 
Holidays together. my god how i miss you :( 
no boy should ever come between two best friends? 
i forgive you :/ it was my fault. everything was last year. 
i hope you read this.

The people you hear about ALL THE TIME.

this girl, is always talked about. 

and in the least rude way possible...full of herself

mind you she is rather pretty and rather slim.

This guy, supposedly...(i wouldn't know)

is a douche. but the only reason I've heard 

this is speculation and word of ear.

He is also full of himself. 

However, IMO he's NOT good looking.

I never stop hearing about people like; he's done this and she's done that. but yes these two people out of ALL my friendship groups have been mentioned the most. I cannot name names as this would be called a name shame and would be classed as illegal so i have given photo's and blacked out their eyes and other people in their photos. So i am not doing anything illegal :) 

i thought i'd share this with you because all my Derby readers will then know who these people are and may have a little giggle at them :') 

much love. ♥

DOCTOR WHO

YES YES YES,


Doctor who series 6 has started... im so happy!!! 
the second episode was mint. really cba with watching the first one now that i've watched the second. so i'm just gonna make sure i carry on watching them on bbciplayer.. 
i'm well happy its back on.

Two Side to Every Story.

You know when you hear that phrase "two-faced",
well thats pretty much every girl. It occurs rarely in guys. 
an example would be the famous line out of the film 
'Mean Girls'; 


(Regina to girl in hallway): 
"OMG! i love that skirt where'd you get it!?" 
(girl in skirt): "it was my moms in the 80s"
(Regina to Cady): "that is the ugliest effin' skirt I've ever seen" 


there we have the classic...i'm going to pretend to be nice so i don't look like a bitch scenario. 
there are some really annoying people i don't like but because i want to be civil i be nice and tolerant. 

formspring.me

asssskkkkk mee anythinggg :) http://formspring.me/bababoom69

formspring.me

asssskkkkk mee anythinggg :) http://formspring.me/bababoom69

Ever Thine. Ever Mine. Ever Ours. ♥

Isn't is funny; 
that when you actually find the one there is so man cliché that go about it? 
Love. what is it? 

When you feel cold and warm at the same time,
when you read over the same line for the tenth time,
when your heart and thoughts somehow appear to rhyme,
and when a simple name conquers your whole mind,
then you are in deep trouble my friend... you are in what they call, "love".

- Philippos Aristotelous






(On the phone) *Whispers* Girl: "Guess what?..."
Boy: "What?"
Girl: "Someone loves you."
Boy: "Who?"
Girl: "Me."
Boy: "Who's you?"
Girl: "Jas."
Boy: "I love you too"


Its little things like this that make you have a tear in your eye. Realize you don't want to sleep because your life is better than a dream. lie on his chest & hold him tight because he's yours...
U never want to let go (': 


"If I could give you one thing in life, I would give you the ability to see yourself through my eyes, only then would you realize how special you are to me..."


"Love is giving someone the power to destroy you...but trusting them not to."


"Sometimes people put up walls, not to keep others out, but to see who cares enough to break them down."


"We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly."




Some of the best love quotes ever. These have touched the hearts of millions ladies. don't let love die. its out there and i have it ♥

i know i'm the biggest down fall of your life :/ 
i cause more chaos than what i'm worth and i just want things to be simple. i can't handle another time if you cheat on me again. i'm just gonnna walk away. i don't know why i even stayed when you told me it happened. 
i guess i must either be really stupid or really inlove. 
just don't do it again i know you're angry and upset. but is that any reason to just go ahead and do it? 
i don't know why its always when you go to work that i seem the most insecure and then at the end of the night have a sigh of relief when you tell me nothing has happened. 
i know you love me :/ and today was fucking awful. you tried to make things seem better but it got worse cause of the place you're working at. 

Beautifiul Disaster.

I really don't know what to do the one person in my life that means so much to me is crumbling and falling and i don't think i can bare to see them this way. <3 your so strong you can get through this.
x

Om nom nom

formspring.me

asssskkkkk mee anything :) http://formspring.me/bababoom69

formspring.me

asssskkkkk mee anything :) http://formspring.me/bababoom69

The concept Of A Quiet Night In...

I think you can only really say your having "a quiet night in" when you've actually had a night life. when you're partying till all hours in the morning everyday and using your teenage lives valuably. When you know you've had more than enough events everyday to make you want "a quiet night in" where you just sit down and find a text or a message asking you to go out and you decide to stay in with a hot chocolate and some old black and white movies. 
I can't exactly say life is in the fast lane anymore. I used to have a life and two best friends that kept me on the go and now i'm just a plain Jane with nothing to do. not much to my life anymore but days in and out of homework and having my boyfriend round. i rarely have my own time now to pursue ambitions and hobbies. I start things i never finish. i do not hand homework in on time. i hate chores.. (doesn't everybody) and i can't stick to my seat when it comes to learning something ( yes i USED to play piano).


But why do i feel the sudden need to be rushed off my feet now when all i was begging for when i was that person was peace and quiet? 
I guess i'll never really know but i know that i want to live my life. and i've got a checklist before i turn 18! :)

Why does that word forever never scare me? it should. but it doesn't. 
oh dear. i think we know whats gonna happen here!

Montage was a fantastic name for this blog if i’m honest as i’ve already heard one person say it since i’ve changed the name! Result! J

Oh and back to the C situation. I can understand why he said to me “i treat you like royalty” probably because he thinks facebook rules the planet and that when he kisses a girl on her cheek it doesn’t mean anything. Well i’m afraid you’re wrong. The things that matter are wanting to talk to your girlfriend after you’ve been out with your friends and laugh at how some girl came onto you and you pushed her away. And facebook comments on photo’s and my wall...mean jack shit. You want to treat me like a princess, you don’t tell me to fuck off. You say “hey beautiful” instead of looking me up and down like a piece of meat and saying i’m sexy, (Keep it to the bedroom unless you’re THAT horny).  You want to see them above meeting new girls. Hold them like the might die tomoro. Kiss as though you’ve missed them & never threaten to dump them when you get mad.

Regardless of their past, YOU DO NOT call them slags, however you want them to learn from their mistakes, you tell them in a nicer fucking way. You think about the present and judge them on how they are being with you now. Not how they were six months ago. And if you paid any attention you’d notice they try and change for the better. Not for you. For the better. So that not only you’re judgement is changed but other people’s too. Fuck what everybody think and have heard from others what you have been like and should be life.. but If you want to change you do it. not for anybody but yourself.

But thats not the point, if you say you love them you can’t go around telling other girls you’ve been thinking about them. You can’t say you are having a shit time at your girlfriends to another girl. You know what it going to lead to? “oh no thats terrible, why not come to mine instead?” So why the fuck do it? its uncalled for. Especially the next time you ask to borrow you’re girlfriends laptop. You don’t do it! end of.

Final conclusion, please don’t be an arse. Or i will finally just walk out one day and you told me yourself life without me would be shit J

Good night.