my hearts in a really horrible place nowadays. not because of chris. just because of myself. i've got myself into this mess. i'm gonna stop posting on here until i feel like i'm ready too. i've had my heart broken. trampled on and thrown aside because Chris doesn't know what he wants. i want him back and i thought i could do everything in my power to win him back but tbh. i don't need to win him back. he'll come back when i'm normal me again. this feeling has totally taken over me and its too much. i need to step back and look at whats happened and what damage has been done and see if i can repair it.
Before he can even think of taking me back i need to change for the better and stop letting this take over me like it has been. i've been obsessive, a liar, a cheat. and i hate myself for it. well i hate my old self for it. i will turn everything around but i don't know if it'll get him to come back to me.
I don't know if i'll ever fall out of love with him or if he will fall out of love with me but we'll wait and see.
For now Goodbye readers, and i do hope you see the changed me in a few months times.
And just so you all know, even you christopher.. I do love him with all my heart. i'd do anything for him at the moment. his kisses are bliss and making love to him meant everything to me, it was never just sex. even now after 9 months he's still kind of putting up with me. its amazing what i've put him through and he's still here. it must be love. he said i made him happy once, i'm pretty sure i could make him happy again. Maybe it'll be as a friend. i think i'll always love him. even when i know its too late. which i haven't quite felt the full blown of just yet.
Until i see the day he loves someone else i don't think i'll have it hit me so hard that it'll make me finally say "i've had enough".
I Just need to get beetter and maybe he'll come back to me. who knows. lets just wait and see.
Goodbye for now.
Love you all :)
Ciao...xoxo
You're one and only Jasmin Sund.
