I can't say how many times i've got a boyfriend and tried to hold on to them but managed pushing them away at the same time.
things seems to be going from bad to worse. my hearts hidden itself away so that it doesn't get shattered again. and my minds the one taking control. and because my minds not in the right place its making everything worse. things aren't peicing together. like the way he makes me smile when he texts me with something really nice. or when he kisses me and the whole world stops around me because his kisses are just bliss. i'm happy or i'd like to think i am.
im not as upset recently as i have been but for some reason i care too much about what he does or what he says or doesn't say.
the other night i had my drama performance, which he was supposed to come to but had to work. obviously understandable. after the performance we'd arranged for me to get on a bus and go to where he was working. the whole evening ended in disaster. we're stuck in a rut and can't seem to get out.
for the past few weeks i've managed to get to know him and whats he's like. he loves hanging with his friends. going out drinking, and eating mcdonalds, a fair bit. but i noticed that night from how i made it sound. he thought i was taking him for a ride. basically once i'd finished performing i wass knackered. my head wans't in the right place and i could barely think. so i decided not to go. my best friend RMG had come to see me and so we had to drop her off.so i'm sat in the car after talking to chris. and to make matters worse my mum then invited my RMG round to stay. brilliant. then i get home and chill he calls me and i tell him i'm playing on the wii with my brother and rosa. he then gets annnoyed because he thought i was blowing him off because i didn't want to go..
i feel awful about it. and im still very worried that he's going to end me. i wouldn't blame him because my heads not where its supposed to be at.
i really like this guy i dont want to give up because he's not given up on me (Y).
Ciao xoxo
