You can have your shirts back, go get them from the ashes from when i burned them in a fire you prick.


You know, to say the least he should have some common decency to ask for them back himself. after all i did find out last night him and slag face broke up. i even contemplated trying to get him back!? what was i thinking. i've always been better off without you. better as a person. with my friends, family and just generally enjoying life instead having you there always holding me back and telling me who i can and can't be friends with. I was willing to give my whole life for you, metaphorically of course. i wouldn't ever take my life because for that bastard. i wouldn't let myself sink as low as him. 
But on another note, stupidly... I've unblocked him. the urge got the better of me. not only to find out what happened about him and slag face, but to see if he'd talk to me. i know i shouldn't have and to be honest it's going to drive me to tears again i know it. either that or he'll block me. one way or another I've just made a monumental mistake. 


Okay, lets move on from that shit. James comes in less than a day :) however, my rooms a tip, my hair only looks clean for about a day, i have no plans on what to do when he gets here (i'm basically winging it), he's now staying here til Wednesday which is a lot longer than i thought he was. Of course that's not exactly a problem. but it means i have to think of things to do so he doesn't get bored! :L anywho he's coming sunday and spending it here with me til Wednesday :) should be awesome.

First weeks pay! YES!!!

Rather amazing...

A gentle brush of her fingers,
Sending shivers down my spine.
In the love I see in her eyes,
Is a love that equals mine.

She greets me with a smile,
And leaves me with a kiss.
If she were to ever leave me,
I couldn't imagine what I'd miss.

Maybe it's her touch,
Or the way she makes me feel.
But whatever it is,
I'm head over heels.
Xxxxxx ♥♥♥♥

"My heart still beats for you, even though yours beats for someone else."

Today's occurances.

I woke up this morning and i felt like total crap, worthless to whatever point of my existence and it just sorta luls me over when i get up and realize i've also screwed over my friend who i was quite close to if i'm honest, as i was meant to go meet him to help him hand CV's out. so i've re-arranged to see him at two now. whether he replies after me bailing on him i will never know. 
However on the front of whats happened with Jen and Chris, i can imagine i will eventually miss her. i always miss him but that's just love as we know it.to be honest i wish i hadn't told her to fuck off out of my life. i will miss her she had been a good friend. even if she says i wasn't a good enough friend. she helped an awful lot of the time. 
It was a bit like when i lost Rosa i missed her for an awful long time before i even bothered about doing anything to make up for it and get her back and for us to be friends again.

After everything, all the hard work i've put in. the pain i've gone through. all for this. to have to lose a best friend. to have to have that pricks name brought up in conversation once more.

i'll admit now that i'll miss the chats i had with Jen, and being like a big sister but it gets beyond ridiculous when the girl lies to my face and then  tells another one of my mates to cover for her? thats just wrong. i woulda respected her if she'd have just told me straight up. 

then to top it off having her talking to chris about me? neither of them have any right to tell me what i can and can't do with my life. so what i slept with two lads!? big fucking woop.

Co workers :) and met mitzy and the mrs costello! from hollyoaks!

the days i count down til that special day!

16 days!

David Archuleta - Crush

Apparently me and rosa were "with" each other ;) innuendo much?

YES YES YES YES!? too happy right now!?

 To do...

email CV to the new venue on green street,

re-do my CV to what Loz taught me.

tidy room,

shower, (of course)

watch the two transformers i haven't already seen.

Paint my nails

Pamper myself...

....i'm sure that they'll be more to add to the list in a bit...

I need a clear out its unreal! my room is a tip my head is all over. and i've got things being thrown at me from all angles!
i've applied for JSA, seen apartments that i want to rent with Rosa, handed out multiple CV's,  got a trial at limes bar,  got an audition for btec dance at burton college and have an amazing guy in the picture.

So far,,,life's pretty sweet!

what i want to bass this blog  on is my previous antics in the last week or soo...

here goes ;)

Since i can remember being 13 years of age i've always had this fear of approaching someone scary or inferior. and for some reason recently after breaking up with my ex boyfriend (christopher).  i dont seem to have that fear  anymore. it's like i'm more scared of having my heart broken! or letting my wall down and someone figures me out before i have even figured out myself! another thing i can NOT stand.
The Dentists.  

I HATE THE DENTISTS. i Vow after that time and the next filling i have to get i will NEVER go back. i hate needles. and i had to have two!? for one filling because my stupid fucking gum wouldn't numb up!!!

but enough of moaning about things i'm terrified of, i'm teaching myself guitarr :) so far only learntt the intro to old yellow bricks..but i'm getting there with learning the rest of the song.

Right thats all for today there isn't much else i'd like to say bar the fact  i need to attach a photo from the day to this post! hopefully will do it later...

Ciao xoxo

Discovery

Today;

Long day

boring, spontaneous & alluring.

-applied for more dance schools but in derby, non of which do my level of "Expertise", if that's what you want to call it. 

-Applied for JSA (happy face)

-Have Rosa round.. 

i  learnt something today that could earn me a valuable lesson in love. We're all looking for something in the opposite sex, or for homosexuals of course the same sex. What i'm getting at is that everyone's looking for traits to check off our checklist for that special someone.

We're all looking for that special person, eventually. 

And when it comes to trying to look for the person no1 fits the criteria, until you don't expect it and you fall right into their arms and fall hopelessly in love with that person who suddenly meets your criteria, but then you realize your criteria comes with problems and side-effects. It happens to the best of us. we always fall for the wrong person. then when we know full well they were wrong for you we miss them  unconditionally.

We've all been there. and if you haven't then it will more than likely happen to you if you aren't careful. some girls and lads are clever enough not to get too deep. or even clever enough not to cheat or do anything wrong so that the relationship is perfect, and of course when things become perfect, they become boring. and eventually lose the spark. and even those types of relationships, the perfect ones fall apart eventually.

But to really sum up what i'm on about. we all search so hard for the one. 

But is there only just one? i'd love to say there is but there isn't. we'll fall for the people we don't expect ourselves to. and look so hard for the one that we can't  find them until one day. we find them.but until then, don't look because the harder you look the longer it will take for you to find them. criteria's only meet a vast limited amount of people. women or men. the search is so defined that it will never be found when looking for it. 

or what im trying to say the one is hard to find.

anyways rant over :) love is complicated! end of! <3