argh. 
you've no idea how angry i get when he does things like this. he's done it again you know? i'm going out with him and have been since tuesday. but now whats happened is i went to work with him you see and his friend kept buying me drinks. i told him to stop after the third one but no i had another. and this girl Tamzin Lane. came in. oh the joy. another girl he's cheated on me with. and this isn't just anyone he cheated on me with her when we were engaged! 


so yes she comes in and chris is saying "don't worry please trust me, i love you" ok so i carry on drinking and get quite drunk. i start talking to tammy and things get heated. i slag her off to her face and to her friend who she was with. then chris told me to fuck off around 12 so yeah had to call my mum to come pick me up. so i did. then i go stand outside because he tells me to get out.
he gets fucking wasted and i call him at 4 in the morning after crying myself to sleep. then i hear him saying take the phone. its tammy. she said leave him for tonight. so i said i want five minutes on the phone to him. thats all. so i talk to him and ask if its over he replys yeah "you gave your number to some random guy" and i was like yeah because he asked if i wanted to go for drinks with him another guy and a girl who's friends with tammy. so yeah if it gives me new friendships i'm going to give my number out? :s 
so yeah he says its over. then ten minutes later... he messages me saying "ring me again then" 
so i ring him back while he's going to bed. and i ask him again. he said he doesn't know because he kissed tammy. 
fan-fucking-tastic. 


i still want to be with him though :/ i guess i sorta drove him to it. so now today rang him this morning and asked whats happening. i know he loves me and i've sent him a message telling him a few things. he thought that because he kissed her i'm going to go and cheat on him too. no i'm not that childish. 
but i do want him back. so i have to give him his space because he's asked for it so that he can "think about things" oh yes the dreaded "think about things" meaning he's unsure of what he's doing. mind you he was still pissed when he answered the phone! bless him