ok so christopher's birthday is next week and i feel pretty shit because he wants to go with all the girls coming on a pole. Putting in a short version.
Yes i know he loves me. and i was feeling brilliant a few days ago because i managed to break through a barrier that i never thought i'd over come. but i have, and i'm proud to say on my own. lol.
But for the past week or maybe two, there has been some very big up's and down's. Recently having got engaged, he feels like its too soon to get married. And i don't actually think he's right for once. It doesn't feel right to just stop it all. However he has told me that he'd like to still be engaged.
Being engaged isn't going to help us with our insecurities. But i feel like it'll make us happier. and its both what we want? isn't it?
So i'm left now confused and dazed unsure what to do with myself when i see him or think about it when i'm with him.
this is to be continued....
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