THIS IS NOT MY OWN :)

The daylight's fading slowly
but time with you is standing still
I'm waiting for you only
The slightest touch and I'll feel weak

I cannot lie
From you I cannot hide
I'm losing the will to try
Can't hide it (can't hide it)
Can't fight it (can't fight it)
So...

Go on, go on, come on leave me breathless
Tempt me, tease me until I can't deny this
loving feeling, make me long for your kiss
Go on, go on
Yeah, come on...

And if there's no tomorrow
And all we have is here and now
I'm happy just to have you
You're all the love I need somehow

It's like a dream
Although I'm not asleep
I never want to wake up
Don't lose it (don't lose it)
Don't leave me (don't leave me)

that song is how i'm feeling.

Something inside so strong.

well i recently thought that my fears are becoming the better of me so i've decided that i'm going to get a tattoo..even though im freaking scared of needles.
another thing that i'm gonna put on a brave face (: for everything i do im not gonna ever let it get to me. i made a bad decision today. which has lead me to want to stop caring. i still have feelings for chris which is gonna keep hurting.
he doesn't want me in his life and i'm gonna respect that. because i know that all i do when i talk to him is that i piss him off.
i know that even when we're argueing my heart just races :(
i told my best friend Pete today that for everything he does i keep this strong feeling inside. god knows what will happen now :/
i just want him to know i miss him.

well yesterday was my final exam. and from having my last exam my celebration was going to alex's house with rosa and kristian :) it was rather fun. but all day i kicked myself from not answering the last section in my exam paper.. which i regret.
another i can't stand atm im constantly regretting everything i said to chris. i dont know if its a good thing or bad that we'll never talk again but it brings to a tear to my eye :'(
its even worse when i know its probably hurting him as much as its hurting me.
my birthdays tomoro and all i can think about is that he's thrown away something i know he cares about... yet he thinks its the right thing to do?
my heads telling me that its hassle over but my hearts crying because i know i've lost something that could've been great.
i don't ever know what will happen now. whether he's ever gonna bother to talk to me. or anything. whether i'll get my stuff back. whether he will read this again. it hurts to not know anything.
but hopefully this will kick me in the ass and make me the same person i once was.


10.06.2010...(L)

yo yo yo.

and this is how you make me feel right now Chris...
until you next talk to me.. i am and will everyday wrie on here how much you actually meant to me.
i've cried and thought for too long for something not to come out of it.

you know what...maybe i do love you. because i can't explain this strong feeling towards you.

its not the right thing to do, its the cowardly and easy way out.

christopher Tod Bunce again.

its getting pathetic and even i know that. but recently its not even my heart tellign me to go for him its my logic. a couple of nights ago i was at his and i slept there. he asked me over because he wanted me to be the one to talk to. not his best mate but me. i felt honoured but at the same time didn't want to be there. thinking about it, i think deep down i didn't think he wanted me there either. for the reason we have history and its not ever gonna be just me and him as friends. i have a strong feeling about him. and its not love. its just this changing thoughts over how he is with me. its all so different. he told he me that as well. which makes me wonder what it is.
then recently, he posted on facebook "theres this person i can't get out of my head :s no fair xxxx" to me that could mean anyone. to him, he knows exactly who its about. its gonna play on my mind because yes i am paranoid. i'm not perfect but theres still gonna be that feeling of him wanting someone else. which now brings me to what happened thursday night. i was in town with alex, kristian and chris lawn. he walked out of the bus station with another girl. elise :(
he told me on friday when he asked me round that he didn't do anything with her. i want to believe him. i kinda do but at the same time. that facebook status could be about her.
maybe i should leave this all behind? please bloggers read this and give me some advice? :(



ciao...xoxo