what is wrong with me?
im still craving to see you :(

i've told myself we're friends and that i cant keep my hopes up for us to progress into something, because it may never happen. but then i think to myself i must mean something to him right?

for all i know he could be messing me about again. my friends haven't said anyting yet about him doing so, so maybe this times different? i want it to be.

i just want to see you.
if you're reading this please please please invite me round again. i miss your hugs and kisses :(
xxx

slow.

take things slow?
ok i think you're moving on from me. please just tell ne straight i dont want to hope for something thats not there.

thank you x

so recently whats happened in my life is that
i've been to chris' house...which was crazy.
i've met alot of new people
have some pretty cool parties coming up
and i'm on study leave, so having exams coming up.

the chris' house thing was a whim of the moment and it got me sorta nowhere :s
i told him how i felt and he told me he wanted to start a fresh and take it slow..
ok i can deal with that, i barely talk to him as it is so nothings going to change im gonna let him come to me. theres nothing i can do while i have revision to be doing and exams to be prepping for.

exams are crucial focus on them for my future.

Christopher Bunce

how can i annoy you when you expect me to drop something when you've said "jacob's drulling all over your fb" surely from your POV that means he's bothered?
then he says
Christopher Tod
nothing just dont tell me anything i dont wanna know

11:15pmMe
what you on about?

like what?

11:15pmChristopher Tod
nothink forget i mentiond it

he thinks somethings going on...just like on saturday when i thought he had something going on with girls at Jordan muggleton's party...yeah jordan is this guy rosa nearly got with. but yes like im saying chris must care somewhat if he is saying thingss like that?
maybe he's not so heartless after all?
but then he goes and puts on his msn "does not take much to piss me off but you just don't know when to quit"

since i've been in his life i wonder if he realises he could get rid of me completel yet he still doesn't? so surely there it shows he's still trying to think of what to do?

we're supposed to b giving each others stuff back tomoro but right now i dont think that will happen at all. tbh he doesn't want to see me.i dont want to see him.
i called him earlier and said "do you like pissing me off?" because he'd put something on facebook that'd came through to my phone he then asked me to call him so i did and he explained it wasn't him. fair enough.
we'd both had rather good days...or so i said. only person i could think about was him. from the moment i got up. couldn't go anywhere without being reminding me of him. i went to town and was so afraid f seeing him... and i dont know why.
he's made that much of an impact on me im scared of going to college. smiling is difficult atm because he, even after treating me like shit, still made me smile with the things he said.

will i actually ever be able to let go of the fact that you have fucked me up so much i can't seem to get you out of my head. you know how i feel about you. but at the same time i hate you, you make me cry at the worst possible moments.
you said to me "go and live your life" im trying to, but i want you there beside me. i want to be able to be there for yu when you cry cause, god knows why but you cried in front of me when i asked you to read my other blog and yu ripped it up. this was the third time you nearly broke my heart. you've still not managed to do it fully. and i told you how today as well. so go ahead and do it already.

break my heart and this will all be over.
i can live my life hating you. loathing you for the very thing i'm scared you would do to me every time you went out with mike. do you know how it feels to have your heart broken because it fucking hurts.

just know that i dont piss you off for the fun of it. i do it cause i care. i love you for fucks sake and you can't see that? i wouldn' let it go becaus it bothered you all i wanted to say was "all i want is you, you know that" because its the truth.

please put me out of my misery or atleast tell me you want me. its your decision now.

sorry.

he's amazing

your amazing and you know it.
yes im on about chris.
he always knows how to make me smile and how to take my breathe away.
he notices the stupid little things in me that no1 else does.
you look at me like no one else does.
you give me butterflies even when i'm just talking to you over the phone.
my heart races everytime i hear your name.
i constantly miss your hugs even if your right beside me.
your kiss manages to make me forget about everything thats going on around me.
you calm me down but you can make me so infuriated at the same time.
its not a bad thing because i secretly love it.
some of the talks we have make me discover more and more amazzing things about you.
you may let me down sometimes and somethings that you've said you change you mind quite quickly about but its always made me smile because i know how i feel about you.
i dont want to forget about you because theres stuff thats been my first with you.
right here now is where i want to think about it because i know i dont want to think about what happens tomoro with you or whatever may happen between next week, month or year. i just know that at this moment in time. i love you because the way you treat me. the fact that everytime i overreact secretly i can tell you know that i'm doing it because of how i feel and secretly love it.

ciao...xoxo

Friends

my firends mean the world to me. and each and every single one of them are connected in more ways than one...
people i'm at college with are best friends with the people i'm best friends with who are then best friends with their sublings or something or other, well you get the gist of where i'm coming from. but my friends connects in so many ways its like a web.
a network of love.
tbh im probably just babbling atm but this will eventually go somewhere.
i came across today, that everywhere i look everyone has atleast the very few friends they hold dear to them and its rare to find them few people that you can trust and love dearly til your very last breathe.
i have a fair few now that im older and have broadened my mind to more people around me.
there's; Rosa, Synne, Jake, Alice, Jacob, Pete, Jade, Josh, Dan, Jesse, Alex, Warwick, Samantha, Katy, Bushby and Joe.
LOVE YOU ALL.
if love is a rain drop, id send you a shower.. if hope is a minute, id send you an hour. if happiness is a leaf, id send you a tree. and if you need a friend youwill always have me.



Ciao...xoxo

i still feel special...

why do i still feel special when i see i'm still in your top friends...i love it and i want to stay there but is it what you want?
i want to keep telling you why...

you told me to give up trying. but thats just it i can't especially after telling me you want to push me away so you can get back with me?
it isn't false hope if you feel that way about someone.
i know you dont want to lead me on but maybe i want you to?
you were literally my everything when i was with you. the one person i'd wake up in the morning wanting to be next to.
i just hope i've not pissed you offso that you never want to see me again..
or that you would want to hurt me. or want nothing to do with me.
there is nothing keeping us from seeing each other however theres nothng thats gonna make us see each other and i dont want to be the one who asks.

i know this might all sound like babble but rght now i'm just trying to get my feelings out... especially for him♥