there was this guy, and then there was this girl.
he was the only one she spent her time with on a joint school holiday, skiing in italy.
the whole trip was amazing, because of him. and to her luck he liked her too.
kiss and tell, no. but kiss in the bedroom of hers is what happened.
you could've said it took off from there but i think it was when he asked me out. he was the only one thats ever asked me out. properly! "what if i were to ask you out now, what would you say?" she said "i'd say yes" :)
:') the perfect moment. the best moment in my whole life. i promise you that.
the rest of the holiday was just total bliss. i wish it had never ended. that evening he told me he loved me. and so freaked out i said i love you too. i didn't know whether i'd said the right thing considering it was that day we only started going out.
but the flight home proved the fact i knew that i was indeed, in love with him even after such a short time.
the flight home proved difficult to cope because me and him got seperated, he needed leg room (he's 6 ft 4)and there was a space available but the teachers were sitting in the seats next to him... which sucked. so i had to sit behind him which was ok. i sat down and within the time of taking off and getting a good altitude i was crying because i couldn't be next to him. i held his hand a lot the time and it was lovely but yes thats how i knew i was in love with him...by having such a hard time dealing with not being able to sit next to him.
we both got home and were in different coaches which wasn't so bad tbh. but yes we arrived home back in derby at my high school, and our parents picked us up...we both had stars in our eyes. his mum asked "so how was it?" he replied "it was fantastic" or something along those lines.... but yeah his mum could tell, she told me sometime later when being at his house <3 bloody true love i call it :P
i really loved him, i really LOVE him. i put this on facebook and i want it to stay there.
:
I'm Rather muchly in love with a guy thats been there for me from the very begining. He always seems to make me laugh, smile and give me butterflys.
i can honestly say he's the best person in my life that i know!
i'd trust him with my life, i've given him my heart already and i would like to stay with him forever in his arms ♥
Through Thick & Thin You Are My Everything Jack Dring ♥ i love you and always will xxx
:') the best times of my life with him.
and now look where its all gone, from my past, i know i've never been the most sensible of people but i changed for the better, i changed for him. i dont think he even gave me a real reason :/ i still love him because of that. because he didn't have any liable reason to break up with me. :(
they found that the summer offered amazing events, the spring of june offered us a brilliant enhance to the love we felt and it felt as though the days would never end. or atleast we didn't want them to. i'll never forget those days where i didn't want him to leave me because my world would come crashing down and it now has.
he said we'd get married and travel :'( boy i miss you saying that <3
"i love you and can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you" the pain of reading that from a long time ago.
i wish it would all come back because truely i miss you and truly i love you.
come back to me <3 i meant everything that i said, i dont ever go back on any of my promises. i want us back together, we were good together. :'(
ciao xoxo
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Everday shit happens part 2
remember when i said there was no worse feeling than being rejected from the grammar school. well now there is. three/four weeks after breaking up with JD and my hearts nowhere to be found. i feel like tomorrow's just another day, not like before when i had the optimism of nothing could go wrong because things are perfect. not anymore. the one person in my life that cheered me up by being there not only as a friend but as my boyf too is gone. and now i can't get him back. its over and it feels as though i've woken up in a bad dream and i can't get out.
everyday i wake up and wonder why such a great and strong relationship ended in such a short time. its heartbreaking and its happeneing to me.
all my friends are here supporting me but i fear that only the person that i thought i knew is the one to break this misery not by asking me back or anything but by just me and him talking possibly. recently it doesn't even feel like a friendship anymore. it feels as though he doesn't care and wants nothing to do with me, because lets face it why else did he break up with me?
it hurts because i dont know how he feels about any of this, we dont talk anymore. and he said we'd be friends. i feel like we're enemies.
nothing can begin to explain my sorrow. its only hit me this past week how much i miss him and wish he was still there for me and that none of this happened. i still dont udnerstand why it happened he didn't give me any reason for the breakup.
but yeah im thanking my friends now for looking out for me. and for wanting me to be happy. tbh i just want to be the person i was when i was with JD
Ciao xoxo
everyday i wake up and wonder why such a great and strong relationship ended in such a short time. its heartbreaking and its happeneing to me.
all my friends are here supporting me but i fear that only the person that i thought i knew is the one to break this misery not by asking me back or anything but by just me and him talking possibly. recently it doesn't even feel like a friendship anymore. it feels as though he doesn't care and wants nothing to do with me, because lets face it why else did he break up with me?
it hurts because i dont know how he feels about any of this, we dont talk anymore. and he said we'd be friends. i feel like we're enemies.
nothing can begin to explain my sorrow. its only hit me this past week how much i miss him and wish he was still there for me and that none of this happened. i still dont udnerstand why it happened he didn't give me any reason for the breakup.
but yeah im thanking my friends now for looking out for me. and for wanting me to be happy. tbh i just want to be the person i was when i was with JD
Ciao xoxo
Saturday, November 21, 2009
for now...
hey guys letting you know that im not gonna be bloging tonight because im going to see david gibb with mr biggen and a few friends tonight :) and my mother wouldn't let me watch the episode of being erica i was gonna blog on so i haven't yet got all my notes... if you want to know why and what exactly im on about...watch the last being erica that was on tv from 9 til 10 last monday and you'll get the drift of what im gonna blog about (:
and no for anyone who's already watched it, its NOT, i repeat NOT about lesbianism.. its about love (:
i'ma gonna be blogging tomoro morning and not to mention changing my colour scheme thanks to shrimpdude (:
have a good night everybody enjoy you're saturday nights ;)
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Ciao
and no for anyone who's already watched it, its NOT, i repeat NOT about lesbianism.. its about love (:
i'ma gonna be blogging tomoro morning and not to mention changing my colour scheme thanks to shrimpdude (:
have a good night everybody enjoy you're saturday nights ;)
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Ciao
Monday, November 16, 2009
Poooooooooooooooooooooooooo
I dont think i've ever been as upset and hurt as i was yesterday.
Friday night: got kinda drun kand was sick four times in the next day.
Saturday Night: PO'C bday and had an amazing time with mudmaker :L
and during saturday JD and me fell out.....AGAIN! another fucking arguement over him being upset for me moving on to quickly.... :/ i didn't tel him so he got a tad upset :/
and now his friends are saying i cheated on him... joy...
more of a bigger update tonight (:
Ciao xoxo
Friday night: got kinda drun kand was sick four times in the next day.
Saturday Night: PO'C bday and had an amazing time with mudmaker :L
and during saturday JD and me fell out.....AGAIN! another fucking arguement over him being upset for me moving on to quickly.... :/ i didn't tel him so he got a tad upset :/
and now his friends are saying i cheated on him... joy...
more of a bigger update tonight (:
Ciao xoxo
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
When People told me it was special. i find it ironic from where i'm looking.
JD and i are no longer together. shocker i know. it was perfect, but apparently in my eyes only. a month ago he thought he loved me less and then two weeks later after changing his mind the day after BAM! smack in the face from lover boy. i can't say it was a surprise mind you i felt as though it was coming which is why i kept asking if "we" were ok? the new york trip for him did nothing for our relationship not like in norway and he was in france. it turns out it wasn't meant to be. oh well. C'est la vie JD.
all i can do now is move upwards and onwards. to newer and better things. let me put it this way. i haven't been properly single since i was 13 and now i get the chance to be the person i wasn't and could never be before. the new me is here and is ready to take a chance at being the best at life she can, not thats its a game but i'm pretty sure i know how to play it :)
anyhow the latest updates on these few months events;
one. ofcourse is the breaking up of JD and me. like i said no surprise. i'm hurt yes but to be honest i'd be worried if i wasn't :') right now i dont know how to feel. i guess it's natural to let go slowly and surely so that nothing can get in your mind about having negative or insane thoughts. yes i loved him and i might still now, but like i said very confusing on how i feel. :/ sucksville.
two. i've fallen out with someone at college... ergh another "you've been saying shit about me behind my back" i really dont know how to react on this one because lets face it i'm not going to get in the way if she believes that i've said something. its best to just leave it at that and move on or wait til things cool down. of course i've tried apologising even if i haven't done anything.
three. I have now found an amazing new friend through my bffl. TW (: he's ginger, tall and looks like prince harry i can say he's great to talk to when i have a problem and he was the one getting stuck with all the talk from me after me and JD split.
he's will be an eternally new edition to the list of my best friends.
four. RG's birthday surprise the photoshoot planned out quite well even if it was a disaster beforehand :P "came home tried to unlock the door and it wouldn't budge" stood outside for two hours an hour and a half before the photoshoot.....i was thinking holy fuck. but it turned out alright in the end we got there had an amazing time and now we're viewing the photos in a week's time :) on the way home i might had we ran into a field and got stuck but MR STV came and helped us. he got more for what he was bargaining for i tell you! we went on a date the next night ;) you gotta love fate.
ciao xoxo
all i can do now is move upwards and onwards. to newer and better things. let me put it this way. i haven't been properly single since i was 13 and now i get the chance to be the person i wasn't and could never be before. the new me is here and is ready to take a chance at being the best at life she can, not thats its a game but i'm pretty sure i know how to play it :)
anyhow the latest updates on these few months events;
one. ofcourse is the breaking up of JD and me. like i said no surprise. i'm hurt yes but to be honest i'd be worried if i wasn't :') right now i dont know how to feel. i guess it's natural to let go slowly and surely so that nothing can get in your mind about having negative or insane thoughts. yes i loved him and i might still now, but like i said very confusing on how i feel. :/ sucksville.
two. i've fallen out with someone at college... ergh another "you've been saying shit about me behind my back" i really dont know how to react on this one because lets face it i'm not going to get in the way if she believes that i've said something. its best to just leave it at that and move on or wait til things cool down. of course i've tried apologising even if i haven't done anything.
three. I have now found an amazing new friend through my bffl. TW (: he's ginger, tall and looks like prince harry i can say he's great to talk to when i have a problem and he was the one getting stuck with all the talk from me after me and JD split.
he's will be an eternally new edition to the list of my best friends.
four. RG's birthday surprise the photoshoot planned out quite well even if it was a disaster beforehand :P "came home tried to unlock the door and it wouldn't budge" stood outside for two hours an hour and a half before the photoshoot.....i was thinking holy fuck. but it turned out alright in the end we got there had an amazing time and now we're viewing the photos in a week's time :) on the way home i might had we ran into a field and got stuck but MR STV came and helped us. he got more for what he was bargaining for i tell you! we went on a date the next night ;) you gotta love fate.
ciao xoxo
Friday, October 09, 2009
i dont know what's wrong with me ?
i want to keep spilling my heart! this feeling is overwhelming, and its taking over my mind. i man love is love right? but when its this strong it feels as though its this miracle? my hope's of love have been fulfilled by the one person i love more than anything in my life <3 he couldn't be more perfect if i asked!
my life will eventually evolve around him but for now i just want him for the rest of my life <3 my everything. "THE ONE", my soul mate <3 it was destiny and i wasn't even looking for you.
you've always been there for me :) through thick and thin. and i can't wait til we are actually living together and married ^_^ cause it what we both want <3
me and you belong :) there isn't anything more i could ask for in a relationship!
he's everything thing i need and more. you make everything seem so worry less ad before you i dont know i coped. but atleast we're together now :)
you are my forever and i'm yours <3
never will i let go of you.
...
I Love You
I never really knew you
you were just another friend, but when I
got to know you, I let my heart unbend.
I couldn't help past memories that would only make me cry, I had to forget my first love and give love another try. So I've fallen in love with you, and I'll never let you go, I love you more than anyone, I just had to let you know. And if you ever wonder why, you'd know what i'd say, but I'll never stop loving you each and every day. My feelings for you will never change, just know my feelings are true. Just remember one thing..........
i'll always Love You!!!!!
my life will eventually evolve around him but for now i just want him for the rest of my life <3 my everything. "THE ONE", my soul mate <3 it was destiny and i wasn't even looking for you.
you've always been there for me :) through thick and thin. and i can't wait til we are actually living together and married ^_^ cause it what we both want <3
me and you belong :) there isn't anything more i could ask for in a relationship!
he's everything thing i need and more. you make everything seem so worry less ad before you i dont know i coped. but atleast we're together now :)
you are my forever and i'm yours <3
never will i let go of you.
...
I Love You
I never really knew you
you were just another friend, but when I
got to know you, I let my heart unbend.
I couldn't help past memories that would only make me cry, I had to forget my first love and give love another try. So I've fallen in love with you, and I'll never let you go, I love you more than anyone, I just had to let you know. And if you ever wonder why, you'd know what i'd say, but I'll never stop loving you each and every day. My feelings for you will never change, just know my feelings are true. Just remember one thing..........
i'll always Love You!!!!!
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Pumpkin, Dorkarella and her new found sanctuary
Right now. this very week. has been awesome.
At First i thought it would be so difficult to make friends. and tbh it was but so many people are so friendly and bubbly, its hard not to talk to them!
my class is brilliant! there are some pretty outstanding people there! two Jas's three callums and one RMG. lol thats obviously not all of them but tbh i cant quite remember every single name!
obviously having my best friend in the class helps! but we're not always together. oh well. but still i have a few friends there. Sophie, she's rather epic tbh has a really nice smile and is always welcoming. then there's Olly i met him the first day we were there. he is a bit of a bulk but i dont mind. and he can get out of line AKA pissed off about anything!
Then there's my classes,
Geography:- i have lots of people in my class and luckily JW ISN'T in there.. THANK GOD!
Then there's psychology:- This tbh...i LOVE! its immense on so many grounds! i have a girl next to me called danny. she's so nice! and so happy all the time even if i have only known her for three days!
English literature:- the teacher is on the wrong department! SERIOIUSLY! :'( and its all war theme :(
oh well anyhow i have recently met a girl who i get on famously with. very pretty, my height and SO nice! there is never a dull moment when we're not talking! :L glad i met her she cheered me up when i thought i was having a off-day. if you ever read this thanks :)
xxxx
At First i thought it would be so difficult to make friends. and tbh it was but so many people are so friendly and bubbly, its hard not to talk to them!
my class is brilliant! there are some pretty outstanding people there! two Jas's three callums and one RMG. lol thats obviously not all of them but tbh i cant quite remember every single name!
obviously having my best friend in the class helps! but we're not always together. oh well. but still i have a few friends there. Sophie, she's rather epic tbh has a really nice smile and is always welcoming. then there's Olly i met him the first day we were there. he is a bit of a bulk but i dont mind. and he can get out of line AKA pissed off about anything!
Then there's my classes,
Geography:- i have lots of people in my class and luckily JW ISN'T in there.. THANK GOD!
Then there's psychology:- This tbh...i LOVE! its immense on so many grounds! i have a girl next to me called danny. she's so nice! and so happy all the time even if i have only known her for three days!
English literature:- the teacher is on the wrong department! SERIOIUSLY! :'( and its all war theme :(
oh well anyhow i have recently met a girl who i get on famously with. very pretty, my height and SO nice! there is never a dull moment when we're not talking! :L glad i met her she cheered me up when i thought i was having a off-day. if you ever read this thanks :)
xxxx
Wednesday, September 09, 2009
College. Uni. Job. Life.
I'm going to college tomorrow.
A level's at last and finally able to do the things i love most. or almost all of them. when i set out to go to the grammar school i never expected to be turned down.
my grades weren't enough and so i didn't get in. i settled with going to joseph wright a derby college in the city centre, bonus; my best friends going.
i never expected this to have much impact on me but unfortunately it did and so far its hurt. all in all i believe that when one door closes, two doors open. i am now going to study psychology and english literature. also another thing that maybe, because i'm going elsewhere is that i've discovered i want to be a writer.
Not a poet. or a lyricist. a writer. i may not be very good at spelling but i know i can learn and look in the dictionary ;)
i'm sticking with taking psychology though because it is something thats interested me for years and its been a dream for a couple years now to take it at university.
recently i've noticed that because of the top ranking of universities are almost next to impoosible for me to get in...e.g. oxford..Cambridge and birmingham. because i also know someone on facebook that has just finished her A levels also interested in psychology wanted to get into birmingham... she got denied because her grades weren't good enough they were all A's and one B... she took FIVE a levels. so thats birmingham out of the picture. just because she got one a level below their standard. i've been looking into moving to london for uni. its almost like being at home in edinburgh. full of excitement and you dont know where you're ctually going considering you've been there once or twice. it can be hard to understand why i feel quite scared about not getting into uni. because all i've ever wanted is to go the full way. i know i'm not AMAZINGLY clever but everyone should have their chance to learn. even if i dont have to go to uni straight away i could always do uni afterwards.
JD has guts. because what he is doing is amazing. he has so much on his plate and yet he manages to keep him about hiself. i couldn't do it. i wouldn't be able to cope. we were talking tonight i couldn't understand why he had said no to something. but when he explained i realised how selfish and idiotic i was. trying to make him do something when he was very busy. i understand and know now that i really shouldn't pry when someone says no. it's given me a bigger thought on how lucky i am to only have to please myself because my mother is normally happy with what i achieve most of the time. to end my conclusion i believe that one day i will be happy wih what i end up doing in life. jsut as long as i know where i'm going and what i'm aiming for.
this piece of writing was inspired by JD but mostly of meeting and talkign to a complete stranger (women) on the bus home (:
thank you xxxx
A level's at last and finally able to do the things i love most. or almost all of them. when i set out to go to the grammar school i never expected to be turned down.
my grades weren't enough and so i didn't get in. i settled with going to joseph wright a derby college in the city centre, bonus; my best friends going.
i never expected this to have much impact on me but unfortunately it did and so far its hurt. all in all i believe that when one door closes, two doors open. i am now going to study psychology and english literature. also another thing that maybe, because i'm going elsewhere is that i've discovered i want to be a writer.
Not a poet. or a lyricist. a writer. i may not be very good at spelling but i know i can learn and look in the dictionary ;)
i'm sticking with taking psychology though because it is something thats interested me for years and its been a dream for a couple years now to take it at university.
recently i've noticed that because of the top ranking of universities are almost next to impoosible for me to get in...e.g. oxford..Cambridge and birmingham. because i also know someone on facebook that has just finished her A levels also interested in psychology wanted to get into birmingham... she got denied because her grades weren't good enough they were all A's and one B... she took FIVE a levels. so thats birmingham out of the picture. just because she got one a level below their standard. i've been looking into moving to london for uni. its almost like being at home in edinburgh. full of excitement and you dont know where you're ctually going considering you've been there once or twice. it can be hard to understand why i feel quite scared about not getting into uni. because all i've ever wanted is to go the full way. i know i'm not AMAZINGLY clever but everyone should have their chance to learn. even if i dont have to go to uni straight away i could always do uni afterwards.
JD has guts. because what he is doing is amazing. he has so much on his plate and yet he manages to keep him about hiself. i couldn't do it. i wouldn't be able to cope. we were talking tonight i couldn't understand why he had said no to something. but when he explained i realised how selfish and idiotic i was. trying to make him do something when he was very busy. i understand and know now that i really shouldn't pry when someone says no. it's given me a bigger thought on how lucky i am to only have to please myself because my mother is normally happy with what i achieve most of the time. to end my conclusion i believe that one day i will be happy wih what i end up doing in life. jsut as long as i know where i'm going and what i'm aiming for.
this piece of writing was inspired by JD but mostly of meeting and talkign to a complete stranger (women) on the bus home (:
thank you xxxx
Thursday, August 27, 2009
everyday shit like this happens...
school, Gcse's, sixth form and college.
school has never been a strong point of mine, but when i aimed to get into a certain sixth form i failed to meet their standards or wants.
now im left shattered and without hope for a future in anything. my hopes and dreams brokn. never again able to pick my spirit up or the hope of getting in. a small small small chance of tomoro being a new day. a day when my mother calls and asks for them to reconsider their disition if i take resits or take other subjects. if there is any option for them to take me on.
my one dream this past year has been shot down with a gun several times.
i can barely speak to my JD without breaking down in tears, the school he goes to has declined me from coming.
withdrawal. rejected. and dead.
three words that would sum up how i feel and what they've done to me.
i thought getting dumped was painful but this is even worse.
it like getting your heart broken a thousand times and then having someone kill someone very close to you.
i've been crying all day. and i cant seem to feel at all happy. this is by far the worst i've felt in a long time.
and now theres nothing i can do about it.
so many people thought i was going there, my best friend, JD, my mum & dad. other friends and other relatives. what a disappointment.
i hope nothing affects me and JD i dont think i could cope with something goign wrong there too. i just want to go to the grammar school. the one place i had my heart set on. i would give anything in the world to go there right now for sixth form. i cant describe anything in words right now so forgive me for the appauling grammar and depressing mood. i hope you understand :/
thanks for reading
Cioa xoxo
school has never been a strong point of mine, but when i aimed to get into a certain sixth form i failed to meet their standards or wants.
now im left shattered and without hope for a future in anything. my hopes and dreams brokn. never again able to pick my spirit up or the hope of getting in. a small small small chance of tomoro being a new day. a day when my mother calls and asks for them to reconsider their disition if i take resits or take other subjects. if there is any option for them to take me on.
my one dream this past year has been shot down with a gun several times.
i can barely speak to my JD without breaking down in tears, the school he goes to has declined me from coming.
withdrawal. rejected. and dead.
three words that would sum up how i feel and what they've done to me.
i thought getting dumped was painful but this is even worse.
it like getting your heart broken a thousand times and then having someone kill someone very close to you.
i've been crying all day. and i cant seem to feel at all happy. this is by far the worst i've felt in a long time.
and now theres nothing i can do about it.
so many people thought i was going there, my best friend, JD, my mum & dad. other friends and other relatives. what a disappointment.
i hope nothing affects me and JD i dont think i could cope with something goign wrong there too. i just want to go to the grammar school. the one place i had my heart set on. i would give anything in the world to go there right now for sixth form. i cant describe anything in words right now so forgive me for the appauling grammar and depressing mood. i hope you understand :/
thanks for reading
Cioa xoxo
Tuesday, August 04, 2009
ergh....
ok so who knew summer was gonna be a dud this year?...not me thats for sure its gonna be my longest summer in my life and its absolutely crap.
hmmm oh dear. right well this may be my last update but i'll let you know whats gonna be happeneing in my last 3/4 weeks of my holiday, this week im spending as much time as i can with my JD. He leaves the day before me unfrotunatley so im sailing with him tomoro which should be good (mind you its in a 4km deep water in carsington with his best friend and his best friends girlfriend) not that im complaining i think that me and elle (pronouced ellie and is the best friends girlfriend) could be quite good friends, we have similarities(: .
anywho the nest three weeks or so until the 1st of septembet will be spent in scandinavia with family and a few friends. i plan on doing loads of activities that i wouldn't normally be able to catch up on here in the UK. sun bathing being at the top of my list :D
however three weeks of sheer bliss in one aspect may lead to misery for another. love can hopefully remain between us too i want nothing to change and it to remain within my grasp. fairwell for three weeks then a year or two stuck with Jd* through my A level years of busy busy busy. i hope thats not gonna ruin anything.... ok so maybe an update to or so, but tonight and right now are meant for relaxing watching sex and the city and failing to sleep...goodnight all and comment comment comment :P :) chao xoxo
hmmm oh dear. right well this may be my last update but i'll let you know whats gonna be happeneing in my last 3/4 weeks of my holiday, this week im spending as much time as i can with my JD. He leaves the day before me unfrotunatley so im sailing with him tomoro which should be good (mind you its in a 4km deep water in carsington with his best friend and his best friends girlfriend) not that im complaining i think that me and elle (pronouced ellie and is the best friends girlfriend) could be quite good friends, we have similarities(: .
anywho the nest three weeks or so until the 1st of septembet will be spent in scandinavia with family and a few friends. i plan on doing loads of activities that i wouldn't normally be able to catch up on here in the UK. sun bathing being at the top of my list :D
however three weeks of sheer bliss in one aspect may lead to misery for another. love can hopefully remain between us too i want nothing to change and it to remain within my grasp. fairwell for three weeks then a year or two stuck with Jd* through my A level years of busy busy busy. i hope thats not gonna ruin anything.... ok so maybe an update to or so, but tonight and right now are meant for relaxing watching sex and the city and failing to sleep...goodnight all and comment comment comment :P :) chao xoxo
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
ok..."UPDATE!"
right well here's my 411..
my brothers in portugal with his father
i'm leaving tomoro for my dad's wedding,,,in canterbury.
BB is trying to spilt JD and me up plus its made me furious.
and because me and JD have been spedning so much time together i've felt somewhat less special or we both have felt things seem less special when we've been spedning so much time together.
a relationship should be special and full of happy times. because i worry so much about things he hasn't said or sometimes what he has said. but never did i suspect that i'd not have anything to talk to him about. its because i've told him everything. because we've noticed that now just before it was too late, i know now that a gf or bf should be the person that isn't spoken to all the time. they should be the person that when they feel they miss them or want to talk to them they're always there to listen and have the special convo's with. when we talked everyday all day about everything and its then turned to small talk...its become lacking in satisfaction. so now these holidays will remain missing him but thats what will make us stronger. four days is all i may have left to see him but that also will bring us closer and make those days to us feel longer and symbolic. make us treasure them for the long three weeks that i know will take a while to finish but i'll know he loves me and will be missing me just as much, maybe more. never again will i have to worry. i love you JD.... i will look forward to our next few times together xxx
my brothers in portugal with his father
i'm leaving tomoro for my dad's wedding,,,in canterbury.
BB is trying to spilt JD and me up plus its made me furious.
and because me and JD have been spedning so much time together i've felt somewhat less special or we both have felt things seem less special when we've been spedning so much time together.
a relationship should be special and full of happy times. because i worry so much about things he hasn't said or sometimes what he has said. but never did i suspect that i'd not have anything to talk to him about. its because i've told him everything. because we've noticed that now just before it was too late, i know now that a gf or bf should be the person that isn't spoken to all the time. they should be the person that when they feel they miss them or want to talk to them they're always there to listen and have the special convo's with. when we talked everyday all day about everything and its then turned to small talk...its become lacking in satisfaction. so now these holidays will remain missing him but thats what will make us stronger. four days is all i may have left to see him but that also will bring us closer and make those days to us feel longer and symbolic. make us treasure them for the long three weeks that i know will take a while to finish but i'll know he loves me and will be missing me just as much, maybe more. never again will i have to worry. i love you JD.... i will look forward to our next few times together xxx
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Falling into that beautiful thing called love...
(Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-le-without-each-other love.)
Attraction, FLIRTATION, euphoria, Doubt, The truth (the longer the better)
...And so you dance around it. You draw it out. You tease towards love.
This is pure physical poetry. Its the thril of cummunicating by give and take, the simple charm of tugging at anouther heart and waiting (hoping) for a response.
It's the improbably joyous celebration of going absolutely nowhere for a long, long time... all in the anticipation that you're actually on your way (slowly, tiptop-ingly) to somewhere truly marvellous...
i never stop falling in love...
Attraction, FLIRTATION, euphoria, Doubt, The truth (the longer the better)
...And so you dance around it. You draw it out. You tease towards love.
This is pure physical poetry. Its the thril of cummunicating by give and take, the simple charm of tugging at anouther heart and waiting (hoping) for a response.
It's the improbably joyous celebration of going absolutely nowhere for a long, long time... all in the anticipation that you're actually on your way (slowly, tiptop-ingly) to somewhere truly marvellous...
i never stop falling in love...
Shit, shit. Shit!
Half of me keeps thinking what does this matter if im with him and love him but if we are together to when i hope to hav children then that could be a problem. I want kids. He doesn't. Big problem if we want to be together as lng as he says he wants too. Forever? Or not.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Clingy Or Obsessive?
As you know or probably have guessed im still dating JD and tbh i want it to remain that way for a long time. but yes back to the subject im talking about today, i happened to peer over JD's shoulder when he was texting someone. this was just after my mum ad a major go at me so i was still a bit upset about that when i realised he was texting his ex :/ not good i thought. i also happened to realise he said he was just at "a mates" then i thought great he's either ashamed of me or he's thinking of breaking it off.
i thought holy shit. because this is the happiest i've been in years. trust me. so instead of thinking yup i'll be fine, i really wasn't and i broke down when we were supposed to be getting the bus to his in town. ofc he had no idea why i was crying but thought maybe it was just cause of my mum and that whole thing of stress. but no it was cause of what he said thankfully i managed to confront him but only through text :s
i thought after i acted so obseesive etc and maybe i did but he said i didn't and there was nothign to worry about :) hopefully i wasn't
what do you think?
i thought holy shit. because this is the happiest i've been in years. trust me. so instead of thinking yup i'll be fine, i really wasn't and i broke down when we were supposed to be getting the bus to his in town. ofc he had no idea why i was crying but thought maybe it was just cause of my mum and that whole thing of stress. but no it was cause of what he said thankfully i managed to confront him but only through text :s
i thought after i acted so obseesive etc and maybe i did but he said i didn't and there was nothign to worry about :) hopefully i wasn't
what do you think?
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Ok So now...
You'd think someone loved up would constantly have their heads in the clouds but no. i'm stressed constantly atm because of exams and luckily after tomoro's biology it'll be a week and a half off :D to spend with JD :D
right well todays beenn fuckign awful. english literature exam. god knows how i've done and i need to do good in it cause i maybe taking it for A level. then maths non calculator was yesterday so tomoro is my last for ages :)
Currently:
(listening to: the klaxons - golden skans)
(talking to: Tom best friend)
(doing: all of the above while sitting on my bed)
(watching: the end of CSI miami, good times)
anyways thats all i sort of have to report cause i'm rather busy nowadays but tomoro i will be as free as a bird so i WILL write then :)
Chao xoxo
right well todays beenn fuckign awful. english literature exam. god knows how i've done and i need to do good in it cause i maybe taking it for A level. then maths non calculator was yesterday so tomoro is my last for ages :)
Currently:
(listening to: the klaxons - golden skans)
(talking to: Tom best friend)
(doing: all of the above while sitting on my bed)
(watching: the end of CSI miami, good times)
anyways thats all i sort of have to report cause i'm rather busy nowadays but tomoro i will be as free as a bird so i WILL write then :)
Chao xoxo
Friday, May 08, 2009
LastDayOfTheRestofMyHighSchoolLife
right reporting from in the class room. well library but in six mins i hav to go. :( im gonna miss this school so muc hand the many memories it holds within of my presence. i feel crushed that i'll probably never return to any of the class rooms i've been taught in. or perform on the huge stage which is magnificant in its own way. the people who have taught me are about the greatest teachers i've had.
Ms Supran: an amazing drama teacher in her owns ways. and the perfect teacher to get let off all the time :) she's pushed and pushed me to the best of my ability and for that i thank her.
Ms Jordan (form tutor): she's also pushed me. cause lets face it i've been failing for a long time! but she's kept on my back to get everything done and tbh i have managed but i couldn't have done it without her :) thank u
Mr Pickens/Ms Render: what can i say the two best english teachers i've ever had! Mr Pickens constantly puts up with me and i dont know how he does it cause im a hand full and a half! right i'll carry this blog on at lunch! gotta go!
10:28..to be continued!
Continuation...:
Mrs Eales: amazing maths teacher.. im such a teachers pet when in her lessons and i can't actually help it!
Mrs Collingwood: saw my true potential in bio...that i could never take higher and get a C OR D! to save my life!
Mrs Rielly: sorry i can't spell her name, atleast i dont think thats how you spell it! she's not only my chem teacher but my head of year and tbh she's a godd head of year for year 11! she's supportive and kinda and has helped alot over the past year and a bit :) thanks (Y)
Dr Brown: Physics just happens to be my fav subject atm and he is an amazing teacher. such an individual way of teaching and he does it with such style!
thats about it for my teachers i think. if not then basically all my teachers have heped through these years. and you know who you are if you taught me or not :) so yeah! but yeah today was amazing for my last day at DHS :) will never forget anyone then <3
chao xoxo
Ms Supran: an amazing drama teacher in her owns ways. and the perfect teacher to get let off all the time :) she's pushed and pushed me to the best of my ability and for that i thank her.
Ms Jordan (form tutor): she's also pushed me. cause lets face it i've been failing for a long time! but she's kept on my back to get everything done and tbh i have managed but i couldn't have done it without her :) thank u
Mr Pickens/Ms Render: what can i say the two best english teachers i've ever had! Mr Pickens constantly puts up with me and i dont know how he does it cause im a hand full and a half! right i'll carry this blog on at lunch! gotta go!
10:28..to be continued!
Continuation...:
Mrs Eales: amazing maths teacher.. im such a teachers pet when in her lessons and i can't actually help it!
Mrs Collingwood: saw my true potential in bio...that i could never take higher and get a C OR D! to save my life!
Mrs Rielly: sorry i can't spell her name, atleast i dont think thats how you spell it! she's not only my chem teacher but my head of year and tbh she's a godd head of year for year 11! she's supportive and kinda and has helped alot over the past year and a bit :) thanks (Y)
Dr Brown: Physics just happens to be my fav subject atm and he is an amazing teacher. such an individual way of teaching and he does it with such style!
thats about it for my teachers i think. if not then basically all my teachers have heped through these years. and you know who you are if you taught me or not :) so yeah! but yeah today was amazing for my last day at DHS :) will never forget anyone then <3
chao xoxo
Monday, April 27, 2009
TheBestThatYouCanBe x
right well this blog post is dedicated to the one and only JD. my boyfriend.
well what can i say, you're amazing. you make me smaile everytime i see i have a text from you. that time when we'd only be seeing each other about a week and you called me cause you knew i was in distress about where to go with my brother on and tuesday morening.. i had no idea where i was and you calling just calmed me down and took my mind off the fact my brother was pissing me off so much. haha good times :)
then when you knew i was totally and utterlly pissed off with how C acted.. and how i fell out with rosa over it. you sent me three messages two walls posts on facebook and then a special mail message again on facebook but the secret ones.. haha (: it didn't make me any less pissed off with C but seeing someone care for me that much really hit me.
basically having you in my life is the best thing thats ever happened to me. you're amazing for being whho you are, trumpet player, drum player and even the odd piano piece on the piano downstairs. micheal buble fan i'll never forget it. and how you managed to cope with me on the ski trip i'll never know!
this post is just to say your the most awesomest, funniest, most caring guy in the world and i wouldn't have you any other way. just do the best to your ability thats all anyone can ever ask, besides. . . we're only human haha (: i know that fro a fact cause i dont at all think about eating any animals or people :P haha lol
TO EVERYONE:
no matter what people may say, we all get stressed out. no matter how hard you try to be better than what you are it will all come in time. and no matter how less time you think you have jam packing things can be hecktic i know from my experiences it will ease down eventually and time remember wasn't a god made thing. some randomer back in the pehistoric times made it all up! hehehe like the lyrics goes...
Head under water and they tell me to breathe easy for a while
the breathing gets harder even i know that.
made room for me its to soon to seee
if im happy in your hands i'm unusually hard to hold on to.
basically saying everything will get harder before it gets easier.
enough of my jibber jabbering i need to get to bed. i have a physics mock tomoro :/ mehhh...erghh....yuukkk....
nighty night all! (:
Chao xoxo
well what can i say, you're amazing. you make me smaile everytime i see i have a text from you. that time when we'd only be seeing each other about a week and you called me cause you knew i was in distress about where to go with my brother on and tuesday morening.. i had no idea where i was and you calling just calmed me down and took my mind off the fact my brother was pissing me off so much. haha good times :)
then when you knew i was totally and utterlly pissed off with how C acted.. and how i fell out with rosa over it. you sent me three messages two walls posts on facebook and then a special mail message again on facebook but the secret ones.. haha (: it didn't make me any less pissed off with C but seeing someone care for me that much really hit me.
basically having you in my life is the best thing thats ever happened to me. you're amazing for being whho you are, trumpet player, drum player and even the odd piano piece on the piano downstairs. micheal buble fan i'll never forget it. and how you managed to cope with me on the ski trip i'll never know!
this post is just to say your the most awesomest, funniest, most caring guy in the world and i wouldn't have you any other way. just do the best to your ability thats all anyone can ever ask, besides. . . we're only human haha (: i know that fro a fact cause i dont at all think about eating any animals or people :P haha lol
TO EVERYONE:
no matter what people may say, we all get stressed out. no matter how hard you try to be better than what you are it will all come in time. and no matter how less time you think you have jam packing things can be hecktic i know from my experiences it will ease down eventually and time remember wasn't a god made thing. some randomer back in the pehistoric times made it all up! hehehe like the lyrics goes...
Head under water and they tell me to breathe easy for a while
the breathing gets harder even i know that.
made room for me its to soon to seee
if im happy in your hands i'm unusually hard to hold on to.
basically saying everything will get harder before it gets easier.
enough of my jibber jabbering i need to get to bed. i have a physics mock tomoro :/ mehhh...erghh....yuukkk....
nighty night all! (:
Chao xoxo
Sunday, April 26, 2009
OMG! YOU DICK!
right well recently as you've probably heard i have gotten a new bf. and C is wayy out of the picture. but recently c added my bf (JD) and said to him the very same day that he'd came round and was supposed to fuck me. then he had the nerve to call me a slag. ro said that it was because he was biting back for me not telling him about getting a bf and i guess i should've told him but hey i'm in love... (=
me and jd are amazing as ever. and i believe that this really is a guy i could be with for a rather long time. i think if anyone who knows me that reads this then they will no that i've said that so many times. but when you finish you're exams. you know you think through what you're about to say before you say it, right? (: right. and you know you see things clearer because you're wiser and feel yourself growing up, right? (: right. well thats me as well, i've finally been able to make the right decisions in this last month or so. im thinking more clearly and i'm knuckling down on school work. having a boyfriend has helped more with the support of knowing someone loves you. i've not made brash decisions like cheating (which people know i've previously done), skyved school (which i've also previously done), aand had major fights with parents and siblings which again has also happened! haha. so now i feel more complete than ever. everything is so much better now that im nearly turning 16 and i'm thinking clearer (: so here i am. a brand new me.
chao xoxo
me and jd are amazing as ever. and i believe that this really is a guy i could be with for a rather long time. i think if anyone who knows me that reads this then they will no that i've said that so many times. but when you finish you're exams. you know you think through what you're about to say before you say it, right? (: right. and you know you see things clearer because you're wiser and feel yourself growing up, right? (: right. well thats me as well, i've finally been able to make the right decisions in this last month or so. im thinking more clearly and i'm knuckling down on school work. having a boyfriend has helped more with the support of knowing someone loves you. i've not made brash decisions like cheating (which people know i've previously done), skyved school (which i've also previously done), aand had major fights with parents and siblings which again has also happened! haha. so now i feel more complete than ever. everything is so much better now that im nearly turning 16 and i'm thinking clearer (: so here i am. a brand new me.
chao xoxo
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
YouBroughtLightToTheDarkness (=
This post is dedicated to my mum (=
i know how much she looks out for me and for the past few days i've thought about writing about her and her amazing talents plus her total immense power to keep loving me after all the stupid things i tend to do.
so yes this ones for you mum <3 (: Mwah!
well my mum is pretty much all aroudn awesome in ever department. she keeps me in line (or trys) and yet i still don't tend to listen. she only treats me like an adult when i deserve it so i'm learning still! she will always have a shout at me and i'll try and beat her by shouting louder but i always fail cause i shout a load of shit out cause i dont think before i speak when i'm shouting! haha :)
i do love my mum to pieces for being there constantly and if it weren't for her ( and my father but i'm not going into detail...Yuk) i wouldn't be here. without her i'd rather go nowhere to be honest she's pretty much my everything atm i mean family wise ^-^ cause i'm not that sad =P
she keeps pushing me even though it takes to much to do and she always manages to be busy... so i really duno how she does it. i know sometimes she'll get really stressed and shout for no reason or for the wrong reason but its just what mums do :)
no matter what even though how many times i've said i hate her... i really don't. because she is the only reason i'm alive ( and the small fact i've never thought of suicide cause i aint crazy) So without you mum i'd be nowhere (8) Nowhere girl, the world is at your command (8) haha beatles classic and an amazing song both me and mum love :)
Thank you mum for always being there and don't ever leave me cause i know you'll always believe in me no matter how angry you get at me sometimes.
i love you <3
Chao xoxo
i know how much she looks out for me and for the past few days i've thought about writing about her and her amazing talents plus her total immense power to keep loving me after all the stupid things i tend to do.
so yes this ones for you mum <3 (: Mwah!
well my mum is pretty much all aroudn awesome in ever department. she keeps me in line (or trys) and yet i still don't tend to listen. she only treats me like an adult when i deserve it so i'm learning still! she will always have a shout at me and i'll try and beat her by shouting louder but i always fail cause i shout a load of shit out cause i dont think before i speak when i'm shouting! haha :)
i do love my mum to pieces for being there constantly and if it weren't for her ( and my father but i'm not going into detail...Yuk) i wouldn't be here. without her i'd rather go nowhere to be honest she's pretty much my everything atm i mean family wise ^-^ cause i'm not that sad =P
she keeps pushing me even though it takes to much to do and she always manages to be busy... so i really duno how she does it. i know sometimes she'll get really stressed and shout for no reason or for the wrong reason but its just what mums do :)
no matter what even though how many times i've said i hate her... i really don't. because she is the only reason i'm alive ( and the small fact i've never thought of suicide cause i aint crazy) So without you mum i'd be nowhere (8) Nowhere girl, the world is at your command (8) haha beatles classic and an amazing song both me and mum love :)
Thank you mum for always being there and don't ever leave me cause i know you'll always believe in me no matter how angry you get at me sometimes.
i love you <3
Chao xoxo
Thursday, April 16, 2009
[= She's Back x
Little miss British pagent queen has thrown away her skis and moved to the bermuda triangle.
-24 hours of skiing
-14 tampons
-no blog for a week
- & one flight home
the girl with a difference is back in england =D thankfully knowing now how to ski and land in a rather nice place in her life :)
Well... first on the agenda:
JD =D:
-PHWOAR!
-Georg! AKA Gorg :)
-my bf
-he is the best thing thats ever happened to me on holiday in a long time!
- i truel am in an amazing place that hopefully will last a while [= but im not gonna go over about how amazing he is (although he is to me) i dont want to jinx it. because i think it's real.
Next...
Daily insight to the activies of the skii trip:
Saturday: travelling!...boring! :( although on the plane i got to sit next to JD and on the bus to the hotel as well. major histerics with him most of the time, he's really funny and great to have a laugh with and amazing to be around with. and then on the bus going to the hotel was fun but of course my ridiculous fobia of tunnels and the dark never over came when i realised there was about seven millions tunnels to go through and i had JD right beside me to hold on to ^-^
(random bit....JD's here while im writing this) Sunday:
Right well in the morning we had to wake up at 7, (i thought this was a holiday) to get our skii's fitted & helmets & poles. Joy! =/ and then skiing for two hours inthe morning and afternoon.
i was in pain later on in the day.
Monday:
Right well again it is a ski trip so we were skiing again for four more hours and that just basically carried on through the week. but we had a scavanger hunt in the evening to find fifteen things haha we got about 12.
Tuesday:
More skiing and this is when everything basically set off with me & JD (: we spent almost every waking moment together. hugging and holding hands. (: we had an amazing night of talents.
Wednesday:
Four more hours of skiing, and I kissed JD!!! =D
in the evening we went to another hotel along the road and watched the liverpool match against chelsea... but they lost :( me & JD stayed until half time but then left cause we were both knackered so we just went to bed. in diffo rooms of course. =P
Thursday:
Four more hours of skiing, then karaoke in the evening. *YAWN*
Friday:
ok here's where it gets rather complicated so try and listen up. two hours of skiing and then in the afternoon as usual buuuuttt in the eveing we had our last little activity to attend, a disco :) we had a great time. i got one of the girls i'd only just made friends with and got her with the guy she fancied that was at the disco. he got her number and she got her first kiss ^-^ all the guys after that admirered the fact i went straight up to the guy and asked "would you dance with my freind she thinks you're really cute!?" and which he replied "Yes!" i felt almost really like a match maker as people would probably say. it felt great to know that somethings i have as talents (being able to go up to any guy and asking them for a dance or for their number) aren't actualy useless to some people. so it has its advantages which made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside ^-^. but on another note.. cause JD asked me out on wednesday and i said yes so were officially started going out then. good times. thats getting off the subject a little, oh yes at the disco i was dancing with sabrina girl two years below me and two guys came onto me while with her, first one kept looking at me and just decided to come over and dance with me put his hands on my waist and try to kiss me. the next dude was his friend and i wasn't happy so i said my boyfriends here, and he came CLOSER! he drags me upstairs to this little seating area and tried to kiss me. i told him to back off. and thankfully he did :) few. then the last dude i must say i did only ask him to dance cause he looked rather bored with his friends and he was the second best looking one of the bunch.. the first one was so much more smaller than me i couldn't dance with him. although the shortness might have been a bonus on the "him trying to kiss me" bit! haha :) the only other guy i thought looked different and stood out was this one guy i couldn't get i know i wasn't gonna try anything cause i had JD but i just sorta had an attention look from him. something made him stand out and i caught my attention i know im not gonna deny the fact of yes he was hot but there was something WAAAY more. oh well the main thing is i actually pushed all of them off, when i could've just let them kiss me (the gusy at the disco). but i didn't, i'm changing for a reason. i know why. because this is it, the one guy i know it could turn out different. or atleast thats how i feel. this one guy who i didn't think it could be possible so young has managed to pull me in without tricks or cheesy chat up lines, just a really good sense of humor and an amazing passion for music. but im getting carried away in my thoughts basically all i'm saying is that one holiday has made a huge difference on how i used to look at one person that wasn't even a best friend or a meer crush until now, he's my boyfriend and i'm proud i have him. i'm very lucky to have you JD. (= Chaoxox
-24 hours of skiing
-14 tampons
-no blog for a week
- & one flight home
the girl with a difference is back in england =D thankfully knowing now how to ski and land in a rather nice place in her life :)
Well... first on the agenda:
JD =D:
-PHWOAR!
-Georg! AKA Gorg :)
-my bf
-he is the best thing thats ever happened to me on holiday in a long time!
- i truel am in an amazing place that hopefully will last a while [= but im not gonna go over about how amazing he is (although he is to me) i dont want to jinx it. because i think it's real.
Next...
Daily insight to the activies of the skii trip:
Saturday: travelling!...boring! :( although on the plane i got to sit next to JD and on the bus to the hotel as well. major histerics with him most of the time, he's really funny and great to have a laugh with and amazing to be around with. and then on the bus going to the hotel was fun but of course my ridiculous fobia of tunnels and the dark never over came when i realised there was about seven millions tunnels to go through and i had JD right beside me to hold on to ^-^
(random bit....JD's here while im writing this) Sunday:
Right well in the morning we had to wake up at 7, (i thought this was a holiday) to get our skii's fitted & helmets & poles. Joy! =/ and then skiing for two hours inthe morning and afternoon.
i was in pain later on in the day.
Monday:
Right well again it is a ski trip so we were skiing again for four more hours and that just basically carried on through the week. but we had a scavanger hunt in the evening to find fifteen things haha we got about 12.
Tuesday:
More skiing and this is when everything basically set off with me & JD (: we spent almost every waking moment together. hugging and holding hands. (: we had an amazing night of talents.
Wednesday:
Four more hours of skiing, and I kissed JD!!! =D
in the evening we went to another hotel along the road and watched the liverpool match against chelsea... but they lost :( me & JD stayed until half time but then left cause we were both knackered so we just went to bed. in diffo rooms of course. =P
Thursday:
Four more hours of skiing, then karaoke in the evening. *YAWN*
Friday:
ok here's where it gets rather complicated so try and listen up. two hours of skiing and then in the afternoon as usual buuuuttt in the eveing we had our last little activity to attend, a disco :) we had a great time. i got one of the girls i'd only just made friends with and got her with the guy she fancied that was at the disco. he got her number and she got her first kiss ^-^ all the guys after that admirered the fact i went straight up to the guy and asked "would you dance with my freind she thinks you're really cute!?" and which he replied "Yes!" i felt almost really like a match maker as people would probably say. it felt great to know that somethings i have as talents (being able to go up to any guy and asking them for a dance or for their number) aren't actualy useless to some people. so it has its advantages which made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside ^-^. but on another note.. cause JD asked me out on wednesday and i said yes so were officially started going out then. good times. thats getting off the subject a little, oh yes at the disco i was dancing with sabrina girl two years below me and two guys came onto me while with her, first one kept looking at me and just decided to come over and dance with me put his hands on my waist and try to kiss me. the next dude was his friend and i wasn't happy so i said my boyfriends here, and he came CLOSER! he drags me upstairs to this little seating area and tried to kiss me. i told him to back off. and thankfully he did :) few. then the last dude i must say i did only ask him to dance cause he looked rather bored with his friends and he was the second best looking one of the bunch.. the first one was so much more smaller than me i couldn't dance with him. although the shortness might have been a bonus on the "him trying to kiss me" bit! haha :) the only other guy i thought looked different and stood out was this one guy i couldn't get i know i wasn't gonna try anything cause i had JD but i just sorta had an attention look from him. something made him stand out and i caught my attention i know im not gonna deny the fact of yes he was hot but there was something WAAAY more. oh well the main thing is i actually pushed all of them off, when i could've just let them kiss me (the gusy at the disco). but i didn't, i'm changing for a reason. i know why. because this is it, the one guy i know it could turn out different. or atleast thats how i feel. this one guy who i didn't think it could be possible so young has managed to pull me in without tricks or cheesy chat up lines, just a really good sense of humor and an amazing passion for music. but im getting carried away in my thoughts basically all i'm saying is that one holiday has made a huge difference on how i used to look at one person that wasn't even a best friend or a meer crush until now, he's my boyfriend and i'm proud i have him. i'm very lucky to have you JD. (= Chaoxox
Saturday, April 04, 2009
FamousLastWords =(
ok right this is gonna be well and truly my last words for the next week unless of course i get there and there's computers we're allowed on. haha :) but yes these are gonna be my final words before heading towards manchester airport at around ten o'clock from my schools docking bay (where the bus leaves from) i know i've not written this in ages but its because i've been busy!
i was at school yesterday for FOUR HOURS! why you may ask...because i had stupid composition work to do ¬_¬ not fun i'm telling you
for all the people that actually read this blog i'm sorry that i haven't written in a while.
and for all those people that just come across my blog... welcome and read my previous blogs ^-^ would be nice to have a few comment on this or other blog entries when i get back *hint hint* :)
i must say the past few days have been rather bumpy :/ considering im "seeing" C now instead of going out. i really do like him its just the question of knowing wether or not that we'll be together eventually. i know myself that we were moving too fast so i suppose i kinda knew it was coming... if you get me.
anyways last day of school was a complete dud! i fell asleep in choir...STANDING UP! i mean who does that!?!?!? i wasn't singing obviously but come on, who's ever fell asleep standing up? *raises hand* lol :d and i can honestly say when the girl next to me hick-upped in the only pause in the song i reall couldn't stop giggling! it was so funny i was laughing my head off :L
oh yeah and also about C... i was at his house ALL thursday.. magical day i must say :) met his mum which was ok. made him watch one of my ridicuous girly vid's and managed to get a few good profile pics for my webbie's :) not this one of course cause i don't want to reveal my identity :P hehe
but yeah magical it was i loved every second being there i must say but that was the last time i saw him before today's trip :( ok i now have twently mins (08:40) before i have to go so i better make the rest of this snappy!
april fools day apparently was supposed to be good for me... hmmm it turned out alright actually considering i went to Tall J's house and had a rather boring time but considering the fact that he tried to kiss me! yeah well he knew i used to like him and he's an alright looking guy but i knew it was never gonna go anywhere so i gave up on that ages ago!! so i refused :) it was funny how he covered it up though pretending he was "going in" to get something of my face :L :P hilarious! but yeah no way hojez was that gonna happen! so we ended up watching peep show for the rest of the duration i was there.
Horoscope:
ok my horoscope said about thursday was gonna be intimate X] and it was...so far so good. my horoscopes have proved me wron once again trying to doubt what comes naturally :) and what my horoscope said about last saturday was... Whaever saturn dishes up today. you'll still reach that special goal. deeply held wishes and long term hopes are highlighted and you are arriving as a place wher it takes more than other people to get in the way of your ambitions :) so yes that turned out as well. mind you i didn't quite know that saturn was my planet! haha :) you learn something new everyday. oh and another thing new friends are always so good to talk to. this guy i met not to long ago ... wait when i say met i mean started talking to, we started talking and it seemed like we'd known each otehr years for some reason but it was so easy to talk to him and he'd listen :) very nice i must say and also my downer day... yesterday this dude called andy kay very very nice :) helped me calm down (from crying) and manage to convince me that nothings worth cryin over if you're crying :) haha if that dont make sense then oh well but i know what i mean :) i can't ignore the fact i was cryin but he helped me with some psychology way of thinking :) he sent me a link to this pic of a couple standing under this tree lookin thing and he told me "look at the bigger picture" and i saw a baby formed by the tree....
oh shit i have to go (08:52) right im off now...
i'll miss you C :)
x
chao xoxo p.s will tell you veerything that happens each day MWAH!!!! xoxoxoxoxox
i was at school yesterday for FOUR HOURS! why you may ask...because i had stupid composition work to do ¬_¬ not fun i'm telling you
for all the people that actually read this blog i'm sorry that i haven't written in a while.
and for all those people that just come across my blog... welcome and read my previous blogs ^-^ would be nice to have a few comment on this or other blog entries when i get back *hint hint* :)
i must say the past few days have been rather bumpy :/ considering im "seeing" C now instead of going out. i really do like him its just the question of knowing wether or not that we'll be together eventually. i know myself that we were moving too fast so i suppose i kinda knew it was coming... if you get me.
anyways last day of school was a complete dud! i fell asleep in choir...STANDING UP! i mean who does that!?!?!? i wasn't singing obviously but come on, who's ever fell asleep standing up? *raises hand* lol :d and i can honestly say when the girl next to me hick-upped in the only pause in the song i reall couldn't stop giggling! it was so funny i was laughing my head off :L
oh yeah and also about C... i was at his house ALL thursday.. magical day i must say :) met his mum which was ok. made him watch one of my ridicuous girly vid's and managed to get a few good profile pics for my webbie's :) not this one of course cause i don't want to reveal my identity :P hehe
but yeah magical it was i loved every second being there i must say but that was the last time i saw him before today's trip :( ok i now have twently mins (08:40) before i have to go so i better make the rest of this snappy!
april fools day apparently was supposed to be good for me... hmmm it turned out alright actually considering i went to Tall J's house and had a rather boring time but considering the fact that he tried to kiss me! yeah well he knew i used to like him and he's an alright looking guy but i knew it was never gonna go anywhere so i gave up on that ages ago!! so i refused :) it was funny how he covered it up though pretending he was "going in" to get something of my face :L :P hilarious! but yeah no way hojez was that gonna happen! so we ended up watching peep show for the rest of the duration i was there.
Horoscope:
ok my horoscope said about thursday was gonna be intimate X] and it was...so far so good. my horoscopes have proved me wron once again trying to doubt what comes naturally :) and what my horoscope said about last saturday was... Whaever saturn dishes up today. you'll still reach that special goal. deeply held wishes and long term hopes are highlighted and you are arriving as a place wher it takes more than other people to get in the way of your ambitions :) so yes that turned out as well. mind you i didn't quite know that saturn was my planet! haha :) you learn something new everyday. oh and another thing new friends are always so good to talk to. this guy i met not to long ago ... wait when i say met i mean started talking to, we started talking and it seemed like we'd known each otehr years for some reason but it was so easy to talk to him and he'd listen :) very nice i must say and also my downer day... yesterday this dude called andy kay very very nice :) helped me calm down (from crying) and manage to convince me that nothings worth cryin over if you're crying :) haha if that dont make sense then oh well but i know what i mean :) i can't ignore the fact i was cryin but he helped me with some psychology way of thinking :) he sent me a link to this pic of a couple standing under this tree lookin thing and he told me "look at the bigger picture" and i saw a baby formed by the tree....
oh shit i have to go (08:52) right im off now...
i'll miss you C :)
x
chao xoxo p.s will tell you veerything that happens each day MWAH!!!! xoxoxoxoxox
Monday, March 30, 2009
Performing brings thrills :)
wonderous times bring wonderous memories on the stage. i've done so many performances now with stagecoach and i've been there for years :) not yet 3 but about 2. tonights performance was amazing. seemed like it didn't last long at all.. and tbh i dont think it did. i got so may people afterwards that i have a good singing voice :) i was so happy and i put my all into it. and the best part was my old stagecoah buddy was there Andi :D i totally and eternally love him he's amazing. always lively and always good to have a laugh with :)
well end of the week must say i'm pooped but my weekend has been rather amazing :) yesterday was fun round at C's and had fun :) then friday night at rosa's drinking vodka :D :P
then today with stagecoach and town :) what a good two days to finish off the week.
big news i wont be doing a blog for about a week after this following sat until sat evening the following. cause i'm going to italy i will tell you about everyday! i promise and cross my heart and hope to die stick a needle in my eye..*ouch*
anyways finish on wednesday then seeing C on wednesday and thursday woop woop :)
lovely writing tonight cause i missed out two days as C stated to me yesterday.. :P haha yes he reads this XD
ayways i'm off nighty night
Chao xoxo
well end of the week must say i'm pooped but my weekend has been rather amazing :) yesterday was fun round at C's and had fun :) then friday night at rosa's drinking vodka :D :P
then today with stagecoach and town :) what a good two days to finish off the week.
big news i wont be doing a blog for about a week after this following sat until sat evening the following. cause i'm going to italy i will tell you about everyday! i promise and cross my heart and hope to die stick a needle in my eye..*ouch*
anyways finish on wednesday then seeing C on wednesday and thursday woop woop :)
lovely writing tonight cause i missed out two days as C stated to me yesterday.. :P haha yes he reads this XD
ayways i'm off nighty night
Chao xoxo
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Music comp? :) x
ok well i'm in school atm working on my music compositon. boring as shit. and its supposed to be on a musical! i've made it as if there was a musical called "Anastacia" :) and i've made a song for that. and i still don't have a name for it! its so hard trying to composed something i've never really had a feel for making. i make pop/rock songs nothing really more...well maybe indie more than anything and we're not allowed to do that D= boring as hell.
i have had such a tough time atm with my mum and everyone, mrs sample is like the devil, my mums her evil hench women and then there's the teachers, they're the little minions as well. but yes, last night my mum woke me up at 1:20 in the morning and kept me awake for ages!! shouting at me saying "its too late for you to get into the grammar school, blah blah blah." but i know she's only looking out for me.
tonight i'm going out luckily but nowhere amazingly exciting but ecclesbourne school to look at prom dresses and tux's for me and PF, so i have from 7 til half 9 to do that and find the most drop dead gorgeous dress for prom. i would honestly much rather go with C probably wont be awkward if i ended up slow dancing with him :) ^-^ lol but yeah PF is a good friend so i duno if it will be awkward slow dancing with him haha.
More About boys:
basically i know in my life i've had way too many boyfriends. since last year i've had four guys, slept with one of them and flirted about with the others. i can't honesly say i'm proud. but yes i've had my fair share of guys even if it is half of the little village i live in =/. i haven't slept with loads of people just been out with loads of people. or fallen inlove alot.
what i've learnt from it all is that you just really need to wait until you find someone you really like have fun with them constantly, see each other loads, and most couples have tend to found that they've been friends before as well. my last bf... Jimi i knew him about a week before we went out and it didn't honestly get us anywhere, we didn't know what to expect from each other so it ended in four months. not long i know but yeah..oh well. anyways gotta go end of school i'll update later...
chao! xoxo
i have had such a tough time atm with my mum and everyone, mrs sample is like the devil, my mums her evil hench women and then there's the teachers, they're the little minions as well. but yes, last night my mum woke me up at 1:20 in the morning and kept me awake for ages!! shouting at me saying "its too late for you to get into the grammar school, blah blah blah." but i know she's only looking out for me.
tonight i'm going out luckily but nowhere amazingly exciting but ecclesbourne school to look at prom dresses and tux's for me and PF, so i have from 7 til half 9 to do that and find the most drop dead gorgeous dress for prom. i would honestly much rather go with C probably wont be awkward if i ended up slow dancing with him :) ^-^ lol but yeah PF is a good friend so i duno if it will be awkward slow dancing with him haha.
More About boys:
basically i know in my life i've had way too many boyfriends. since last year i've had four guys, slept with one of them and flirted about with the others. i can't honesly say i'm proud. but yes i've had my fair share of guys even if it is half of the little village i live in =/. i haven't slept with loads of people just been out with loads of people. or fallen inlove alot.
what i've learnt from it all is that you just really need to wait until you find someone you really like have fun with them constantly, see each other loads, and most couples have tend to found that they've been friends before as well. my last bf... Jimi i knew him about a week before we went out and it didn't honestly get us anywhere, we didn't know what to expect from each other so it ended in four months. not long i know but yeah..oh well. anyways gotta go end of school i'll update later...
chao! xoxo
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Right Well....Sorry :) <3
Hey guys, sorry about my last entry was pretty crap but mum kinda got angry at me for being on here. lol. so i wasn't honestly able to finish the post... sorry guys :D ^-^ <3
ok right well yesterday i didn't have time to post an entry so im doing one this morning instead.
yesterday was very up and down tbh. i think through the day it was great but the evening/afternoon was shit. my mum as soon as i got in the car started shouting at me and i felt like shit as it is, she's asking constantly to do my homework. i'm doing it but of course she's making it so much worse by shouting at me! but we managed to have a sit down and talk about everything last night til about twelve :( so i'm so tired this morning...
i literally hate the fact my mums cracking down on me as well as my bloody work. but i have more good things to kind of level the balance out.
anyways i'm leaving soon and i wana talk about C.
C is amazingly nice :) it almost feels like its to good to be true! haha. but it's good :) i'm hopefully going to see him on saturday to his house =D which will be nice.
i feel like we have some great funny moments, kinda like on sunday we went to the cinema and i meant to say popcorn but i said smopcorn mixing the words from "smell of popcorn" haha
i do honestly feel as though we have some great times together :) i remember yesterday or sunday him saying i was beautiful and thinking of what he'd said later that day about how he'll call people "darling" and "hun" to make it seem more exciting! so i was like.. i wish he actually thought that, and i said was it meant to be like that and he said "no" i was kinda like "Nawww! ^-^" :) so alls good in that departmeant. and now i gotta goooo
and comment please people :D
chao xoxo
ok right well yesterday i didn't have time to post an entry so im doing one this morning instead.
yesterday was very up and down tbh. i think through the day it was great but the evening/afternoon was shit. my mum as soon as i got in the car started shouting at me and i felt like shit as it is, she's asking constantly to do my homework. i'm doing it but of course she's making it so much worse by shouting at me! but we managed to have a sit down and talk about everything last night til about twelve :( so i'm so tired this morning...
i literally hate the fact my mums cracking down on me as well as my bloody work. but i have more good things to kind of level the balance out.
anyways i'm leaving soon and i wana talk about C.
C is amazingly nice :) it almost feels like its to good to be true! haha. but it's good :) i'm hopefully going to see him on saturday to his house =D which will be nice.
i feel like we have some great funny moments, kinda like on sunday we went to the cinema and i meant to say popcorn but i said smopcorn mixing the words from "smell of popcorn" haha
i do honestly feel as though we have some great times together :) i remember yesterday or sunday him saying i was beautiful and thinking of what he'd said later that day about how he'll call people "darling" and "hun" to make it seem more exciting! so i was like.. i wish he actually thought that, and i said was it meant to be like that and he said "no" i was kinda like "Nawww! ^-^" :) so alls good in that departmeant. and now i gotta goooo
and comment please people :D
chao xoxo
Monday, March 23, 2009
That Daily Buzz of Tango?
haha well today has been an eventful day, worrying but eventful. i had things running everywhere in my mind today but i managed to get layed back as the day passed with C holding my hand walking through town :) i felt so calm with him and i'm never like that wen with say someone like tall J or AP it's weird how im diffo with him :) but its a good weird. i have to say a rather funny part is when we were going to get the cinema tickets and i said random thinking the word "Popcorn" but yet i blurted out "smopcorn" who can have that anywhere near the sound of popcorn!? well yeah anyways the day turned out to be a sucess in my happiness. not much else has happened today besides being with C for almost the whole day!
i must say we had some rather good laughs about today as well!
i must say we had some rather good laughs about today as well!
Sunday, March 22, 2009
MyPast...x
listen up cause this is probably the very brief interview into my life of it all. basically i was born and lived in edinburgh, but i only lived there for a year. my dad is from newcastle which is where we moved to next. he left my mum for a younger women when i was like 2/3. and i lived in newcastle in a wonderful place called blaydon burn on bessie terrace for 10 years :) until my mum met anthony, who lived here. i had to leave my school behind which i'd only been at for a year cause my other school closed down (i'll explain that later) and moved here to derby. i was 11 by the time we'd fully moved down here and i started derby moor community school, where i got bullied until i left at the start of year 8, in the easter hols cause of a girl that was a bitch. i was home schooled for about a year and a half then my mum decided i was going back into school to face reality and to get good grades, which is how i'm in derby high school for girls now. i managed to start school on the 11th of june 2007 on a monday, i remember so well cause it was the day before i turned 14! :) and i got a great welcome into the school by on the second day setting a record of having two birthday cakes brought in cause of my birthday. then pretty much everything from there went down hill. more bitchyness started and i just grandually thought i can't be arsed and took it. so i've put up with it for so long and now i'm finishing up with my GCSE's and going on to do A level and then uni =) so far i've probably had a fair share of my ups and downs, and i think maybe more downs than ups but i'm sure the future will turn that around some how :) thats the roughest outline i've given to anyone so read it if you wont and comment if you like or wont to know anyyyy more about the little inbetween things :)
goodnigth all! chao xoxo
goodnigth all! chao xoxo
TheBurningRushOfFury!
oh god don't get me started on today! P has ticked me off so much i felt like punching him, HARD! ok it was never planned me going into town to see him which is probably why its turned out like this. i arranged to see tall J and AP but not him. in the end i saw quite alot of my mates haha. but thing is being with Ro and seeing them didn't help her situation, she felt like the other people saw more of me than her! and that me and her hadn't had enough time with each other so i felt so selfish! but i met up with 1, 2, 3, 4...5 people in town and Ro was one of them of course! :D i had Ollie to look after pretty much all day anyways so that made things worse tbh =/ but we were shopping for mothers day tomoro. so it was kind of essential.
derby match today was craaap...! and tbh so was the rugby! lol ireland winning... big mistake in fate there! haha nothing amazing has happened today tbh so i'll leave you with that to ponder on. so goodnight and talk tomoro! :D chao xoxo
derby match today was craaap...! and tbh so was the rugby! lol ireland winning... big mistake in fate there! haha nothing amazing has happened today tbh so i'll leave you with that to ponder on. so goodnight and talk tomoro! :D chao xoxo
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Not Much To Say
right well tonight there's not much to actually say sept the fact im no longer single :) which is a start. another thing is im practically failing school, in general and im gonna die if i don't get good grades for my exams. cause then i can't go to the sixth form i wont. and i dont want to end up going joseph wright ¬_¬. but yeah i'm not single anymore thanks to C, i think we had a rather weird night but still managed to be given a goodbye kiss with the best friend standing there! haha. tonights not really been as amazing as i've made it out to be on my facebook but it was a good night. dancing with one of russia's ballet academys lucky enough, in a theatre play called "Coppelia" the most amazing dances there. of course all russian and all ballerina's. Lol. i've never seen anything more beautiful and graceful put into such a kid like story line haha. but it really was a grand experience even if i did only get to do it once.
i got home about three hours ago, i think. and i've not done much since then but msn and facebook and chat to some of my cool ass friends :) oh yes... the book im reading, i must say if you're a big fan of reading bio's then read Darius Danesh's "sink or swim MY STORY" i've only read up to page 16 and already im like i want to read more, but i thought, no. i need to do my blog. so here i am.
i think today's been quite unusual in the way of i dont feel relaxed at all because i have several hours of coursework to do and only two days to do it in! i'm pretty pooped so i'm gonna go to bed and dream about whatever i can :) i will write tomoro when i have time. and if i dont i will make sure i do the next day which would be sunday! night night
Chao xoxo
i got home about three hours ago, i think. and i've not done much since then but msn and facebook and chat to some of my cool ass friends :) oh yes... the book im reading, i must say if you're a big fan of reading bio's then read Darius Danesh's "sink or swim MY STORY" i've only read up to page 16 and already im like i want to read more, but i thought, no. i need to do my blog. so here i am.
i think today's been quite unusual in the way of i dont feel relaxed at all because i have several hours of coursework to do and only two days to do it in! i'm pretty pooped so i'm gonna go to bed and dream about whatever i can :) i will write tomoro when i have time. and if i dont i will make sure i do the next day which would be sunday! night night
Chao xoxo
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
The Difference Being My Lack In ****
That four letter word people use so often in a day. it becomes meaningless more and more its used.. i think i've said it so many times that now i just can't say it because people use it like a hanky, just say it like it means nothing. a guy today told me he loved me, i was shocked thats all i can say tbh i feel sorry for him. 1 because i don't honestly feel the same and 2 because he's just such a nice guy. but thumbs up for everything else right now cause things seem to be heading up from here for me (Y)
right what happened today...
this morning was lacking in anything exciting happening. i was dog tired for being up so late and i still haven't finished my bloody essay on educating rita! i also had to text R's guy so i had someone to text today.. but T finally got his free texts for the month so had him to text up until about two until tall J texted me, gladly i texted back and ofc we had a random little chat haha all day i've been pondering about guys.. duno why but i just have been! talked to jenny all day about guys... whaty hers was like etc and ofc my own problems with em because tall J, i have it in for him which aint good.. because he's friends with my ex and best friends with the dude that R likes. But C, now there's a diffo story :) seeing him tomoro and tbh i can't wait. only going into town but its better than nothing :) or i wouldn't have been able to see him in two weeks! awful i know but i am quite busy these days with school work and it is my GCSE year.. :/ and moving around alot. i don't know whats gonna happen tomoro but i'm just glad i'll be able to see him.
oh yeah and the weekend god i have nothing to do everyones all of a sudden busy! even P is! and thats only because i pissed him off ¬_¬.. what a prick.
oh and thank you for the comment on my last blog basically yes i have had it happen to me.. about twice. i know sounds harsh but you honestly can't help falling in love these days, it all happens so fast with people who kinda just know they're soul mates but both times were totally never gonna happen cause the first dude lived in oxford and the other lived in conventry! so no surprise it wasn't gonna happen! thanks for the comments! commet again if you wish but for now chao! xoxo
right what happened today...
this morning was lacking in anything exciting happening. i was dog tired for being up so late and i still haven't finished my bloody essay on educating rita! i also had to text R's guy so i had someone to text today.. but T finally got his free texts for the month so had him to text up until about two until tall J texted me, gladly i texted back and ofc we had a random little chat haha all day i've been pondering about guys.. duno why but i just have been! talked to jenny all day about guys... whaty hers was like etc and ofc my own problems with em because tall J, i have it in for him which aint good.. because he's friends with my ex and best friends with the dude that R likes. But C, now there's a diffo story :) seeing him tomoro and tbh i can't wait. only going into town but its better than nothing :) or i wouldn't have been able to see him in two weeks! awful i know but i am quite busy these days with school work and it is my GCSE year.. :/ and moving around alot. i don't know whats gonna happen tomoro but i'm just glad i'll be able to see him.
oh yeah and the weekend god i have nothing to do everyones all of a sudden busy! even P is! and thats only because i pissed him off ¬_¬.. what a prick.
oh and thank you for the comment on my last blog basically yes i have had it happen to me.. about twice. i know sounds harsh but you honestly can't help falling in love these days, it all happens so fast with people who kinda just know they're soul mates but both times were totally never gonna happen cause the first dude lived in oxford and the other lived in conventry! so no surprise it wasn't gonna happen! thanks for the comments! commet again if you wish but for now chao! xoxo
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Each Breathe Taken
toes curl with passion, my voice carried through the empty house, chest pulsing vibrating as though i couldn't control it.
i never wanted it to end, if i could've stayed with that moment forever... i knew it wouldn't have lasted but oh well all i can say is i've had experience with that sort of thing and it know how to act once you stop talking.. about yesterdays blog my god i was in trouble with my mum.. i try and find myself by being the rebel behind my mothers back and i mostly get away with it.. until of course when he told her ¬_¬
the reason he told her was cause i called him a little bastard.. its cause he is most of the time to me.. so he told her about C, M, and S, and almost about having to drag him round everywhere for them..
S lives in stafford so i took him on the train...
M lived in chello so i took him on the bus into town then from town to his house! and then it all happened, also with S as well =/
None of them lasted but m has just stopped speaking to me so i've given up on that but tbh.. he does have a girlfriend atm.. and maybe he just doesn't like me anymore.. oh well :)
i'm currently single because of my boyfriend dumping me or we broke up... haha and atm there's a guy in my sights :) luckily he likes me back.. or atleast i think he does. haha i mean c'mon ifthis isn't a sign what is, "i really like you".? haha he's very nice to me and its weird how we met.. it was during the two weeks when i was ill and we just got talking.. :) then we met. which couldn't have been better tbh...
another thing that i've recognised today would hav to be... that lifes to short to spend it in one place. i've decided today that before im 19 i will hav the knowledge of getting a visa for the USA for the max of a year, so that later on in life i can live there for a little :) i do have the other dreams of becoming a star and moving to russia etcetara.. but for now i'll take it one step at a time.. and thats my first step. :)
whats happened today...
haha Science live... omgsh i fell asleep THREE TIMES! there were four lecturers and then there was the examiner's tips etc and i fell asleep... except from the last one.. man that was funny. the women was black (not being racist at all just describing the women) and very tall, she was a physacist :) and she had the dreams of travelling to the moon. she really never shut up or ever slowed down..imagine trying to listen to say french oral listening but x30! or even 100! i'm not kidding it really did keep me awake :)
anyways off to eat and find out if my bro has broke his arm :D
comment please :) xxx
i never wanted it to end, if i could've stayed with that moment forever... i knew it wouldn't have lasted but oh well all i can say is i've had experience with that sort of thing and it know how to act once you stop talking.. about yesterdays blog my god i was in trouble with my mum.. i try and find myself by being the rebel behind my mothers back and i mostly get away with it.. until of course when he told her ¬_¬
the reason he told her was cause i called him a little bastard.. its cause he is most of the time to me.. so he told her about C, M, and S, and almost about having to drag him round everywhere for them..
S lives in stafford so i took him on the train...
M lived in chello so i took him on the bus into town then from town to his house! and then it all happened, also with S as well =/
None of them lasted but m has just stopped speaking to me so i've given up on that but tbh.. he does have a girlfriend atm.. and maybe he just doesn't like me anymore.. oh well :)
i'm currently single because of my boyfriend dumping me or we broke up... haha and atm there's a guy in my sights :) luckily he likes me back.. or atleast i think he does. haha i mean c'mon ifthis isn't a sign what is, "i really like you".? haha he's very nice to me and its weird how we met.. it was during the two weeks when i was ill and we just got talking.. :) then we met. which couldn't have been better tbh...
another thing that i've recognised today would hav to be... that lifes to short to spend it in one place. i've decided today that before im 19 i will hav the knowledge of getting a visa for the USA for the max of a year, so that later on in life i can live there for a little :) i do have the other dreams of becoming a star and moving to russia etcetara.. but for now i'll take it one step at a time.. and thats my first step. :)
whats happened today...
haha Science live... omgsh i fell asleep THREE TIMES! there were four lecturers and then there was the examiner's tips etc and i fell asleep... except from the last one.. man that was funny. the women was black (not being racist at all just describing the women) and very tall, she was a physacist :) and she had the dreams of travelling to the moon. she really never shut up or ever slowed down..imagine trying to listen to say french oral listening but x30! or even 100! i'm not kidding it really did keep me awake :)
anyways off to eat and find out if my bro has broke his arm :D
comment please :) xxx
Betrayal it's not easy to take
Have you ever been betrayed by a friend or family member? =/ well i felt like such an idiot the other day... i tell my brother to shut his mouth but he doesn't and he goes and tells my mum everything i've been up too behind her back while she's been at work etc... and we were at a pizza joint as well, (domino's in sunnyhill)! i was appaulled by the fact i trusted a family member for him to not tell anyone.. i tell only one other person in my life everything i've been through and that's my bffl but don't you think we should all have more than one person in your teenage lifee you can trust? im watching the most shocking film i've seen in years... "Taken" this mans trusted his friend and he turned on him.. truth is that you can't really trust anyone in the world... not even if it were christ. everyone eventually loses someone's trust.. no one's perfect i've learned and that everyone makes mistakes but hopefully not the major ones that could change something important in your life or something.. anyways im off to bed now so i'll update tomoro after sciense live or whenever i next get the chance :)
good night y'all xx
good night y'all xx
Saturday, March 14, 2009
BFFL =)
My bffl is the best thing thats happened to me in the past two years and i love her to pieces :) tonight is usually the night when we have our weekly sleepover and our lovely little chats thats never get old.
I really was a mess when i first started seeing her again after leaving the school i was at with her, i was an emo and i mean the really idiot kid that was about 13 and slit my wrists. anyways yeah my best friend is always there for me. . . we had one of our really rather nice chats tonight about the next couple of months, both of our lives are going to take a massive step into the world of "A level" ... Great, i know. lol right well we were both on about how we're probably going to go seperate colleges and then maybe different uni's but no matter what we've both made sure that we end up going travelling together when we're 20, we were also talking about relationships.. gosh i couldn't be in a worse sort of one... :( i'll talk more about it tomoro... im knackered and its like half 2 in the morning! so night night :)
I really was a mess when i first started seeing her again after leaving the school i was at with her, i was an emo and i mean the really idiot kid that was about 13 and slit my wrists. anyways yeah my best friend is always there for me. . . we had one of our really rather nice chats tonight about the next couple of months, both of our lives are going to take a massive step into the world of "A level" ... Great, i know. lol right well we were both on about how we're probably going to go seperate colleges and then maybe different uni's but no matter what we've both made sure that we end up going travelling together when we're 20, we were also talking about relationships.. gosh i couldn't be in a worse sort of one... :( i'll talk more about it tomoro... im knackered and its like half 2 in the morning! so night night :)
Thursday, March 12, 2009
The best thing in the world
My adrenaline is always pumping when i'm on stage.. i've alwayed loved the way a dancer moves or the way a singer harmonises etc. but it's always been a dream of mine to make it in the spotlight, its half a shame that i never really step up to everyone elses talent because some people have grades in singing and drama. Me, i have my mirror as my audience, my hairbrush as my mic, and the ballet lessons i had as a child. so nothing big's ever really headed my way besides the fact i've auditioned for 'Britains got talent' and 'Xfactor' didn't make it through to either. but oh well there's stil lhopefully chance for me yet :)
It's whenever i see a west end show or even just someone people on a stage that i realise acting and singing is just a beautiful thing, you just here that song, then the spotlight hits you and then you're gone. You just see them giving it their all also that little twinkle in their eye just makes the whole production so worth while watching.
Comment please :) xxx
It's whenever i see a west end show or even just someone people on a stage that i realise acting and singing is just a beautiful thing, you just here that song, then the spotlight hits you and then you're gone. You just see them giving it their all also that little twinkle in their eye just makes the whole production so worth while watching.
Comment please :) xxx
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