Its time for the bubblepops!

right well update on wha i've been doing recently..

BUBBLEPOPS!

i've been in this for a while now but only rehearsing and the over-all performance is tomoro at 1 and 4pm if anyone's interested.
its going to be filmed for the channel Cbbies! so i'll be on the tele..WOO!
its gonna be a blast and it gets me a great mood EVERYTIME! :D

another update; nothing but friendship between me and chris. although i still love him. it was beautiful today though...my heart just skipped a beat when he caught me off guard with that kiss. and this morning...*sigh* blissful. tantilizing. breathetaking. not much else to say really.
but its weird i dont feel at all hurt now knowing me and him aren't together and kissing him. it felt so right but then again he told me it was because that was what i wanted so of course it would.
maybe i'm living in a dream world.
but it feels so right and i'm pretty sure he doesn't want to stop kissing me anytime soon. but i could be wrong.

yet another update;
i learnt today that when in a relationship its essential to be supportive of everything your partner does for their own future. even if your not it in..
what i wrote in my diary today (not just the days i missed because i dont want to stop writing about HIM) but this:
nowadays, liking someone is difficult. love someone's harder. feelings are so over used, the words like, love, honesty, trust, happiness. the last time i was really happy i couldn't careless about school/college. and nearly threw it all away. which is why being with someone is difficult. because if you can't get on with your life while with them your then living your life to just please them and not helping yourself. (always chose a partner who supports what you do for yourself and your future even if they;re not in going to be in it)


Ciao...xoxo



yislycab....don't ask ;)

he still thinks i'm lying...

after everything i've said to him the last week. and meant all of it. i would never lie to him again. not after what happened. i'm trying my hardest and he seems to want to push me further and further away!? he's treating me just like his ex emma. joy. but what can i say he's worried he'll get hurt which is exactly what he's doing to me. hurting me every second he tells me he cares and has to push his feelings aside. i want him to forget that he went through this with emma and treat our relationship like something completely different because i'd never lie to him for 3 months of our relationship. i'm not gonna stop fighting for him... ♥

he thought yesterday i lied to him about where i've got it from. i've not cheated on anyone since jack last year in may! and yet he still thinks i've slept with someone else. i want him to trust me so i'm still gonna try and try.

christopher bunce i'll give you anything you want. but i'm not about to stop fighting because i love you.

only a quickie ^_^

i've recently found something out that i'm not proud of.
i thought that something was always right but now i'm always going to have doubts about it because its just told me i'm positive.
i now need to wait and see on saturday whats going to happen with me and chris because he's recently asked to have some time alone which tbh i can understand. i just hope he will turn back around and want to carry on with me. i'm in this deep so i might as well carry on because lets face it i've never been one to give up a fight this easily. i love him and i can honestly say i feel humiliated for having to tell him about whats happened with the test. because i never in the world thought i had it because i trusted the first test before i got with chris.
but yes i take all the blame for it now. because i know he didn't give it to me. he was tested before me and i believe him. plus i've not been with anyone else since reid. so reid gave it me.
from everything that i thought was ok may now be in jepody. i hope you can see past all this and we can work on through.
yesterday was a mistake for having a go i know you were just working and concerntrating. it makes me smile how professional you are.


ciao...xoxo

i love you and i will never lie to you again xxx

things like this happen everyday

you wake up, you eat, you work/go to college, eat, college, home, homework, sleep.

NIGHT NIGHT ♥

i want you to trust me.

its the third day now since me and chris split up. its probably the worst thing to feel knowing that he's doubting if he wants to be with me or not. i'm trying not to care but all i want is him.
whats going through my mind is worry after worry whether i will ever earn his trust back. and i'm trying my hardest. i want to make sure he can trust me again so i'm trying to keep things slow.
single life is awful. i changed my facebook on monday, three guys straight away started chatting me up. ERGH i hate it!!
its horrible. i want one thing and its to be in a relationship who looks at me like no one other. someone who i can care for. someone i can be in the arms of and finally be that one special person in someone's life. all that was with chris but what can i say these three days apart (kind of) have been amazing with him. just seeing him (yes in that way), is amazing.

-giggling in westfield while food fighting together
-finding a secret spot that he's never known about
-watching a new film in the library
-and just genearally having an amazing time.

he is incredible. it makes me laugh when i look at myself and then him, why does he like me?

from one day to the next i'm worrying most of all what he's thinking of this situation i know a few of our friends know about it but tbh i wish they didn't...
not because i dont want to announce how much i really ove him but because i wanted something special to happen for me and him not just in the way of friends but so that we'd get back together. nothing is garaunteed and all i can think of is that it wont happen, i'm so afraid he wont want me like that ever again.

right now, i'm sat at home writing this while sat on my bed. happpily pondering thoughts going round in my head with the tv on and soon i'm going to start my homework. with the whole christopher situation i want to embrace what happens now. forget about the future (the thing i always seem to plan on) and focus on the present. a little something for you all;

yesterday is history,
tomorrow is the mystery,
today is a gift,
thats why its called the present♥

This aint a love song. its time to fllllyyyy

my heart is racing and theres a beaming smile on my face,
try and stop me i bet you can't,
he's taken my soul and made it dance. ♥

from a smile to a laugh, from a laugh to a cry.
i never want to see your light fade and i never want you to die. ♥

for once in my life i feel whole again. even if my hairs never the way i want it. the fact that everytime i get on the bus i can't stand sitting next to a stranger. the way those people stare at me and how awful i feel for mistakes i've made, i finall feel whole.

even with that small sense of worry today, as my heart sank from my chest when i'd heard some shitty news today. how could i honestly think my best friend would be so selfish, she is the most selfless person i know. the one person in my life i can go to and she'll never reject me. how could i...how could i dare think of such a thing. i just want to hold you in my arms because i want to keep you safe from harm sweetie ♥


oh how many mistake i've made in so many relationships. i'm going to garauntee myself i will not fuck this up. i'll tell myself everyday to make sure that no1 will stand in my way of being happy with him. how you hold my hand when its sweaty and you don't care. you look at me like nobody else does. you kiss me with enough passion to kill my nerves its that full of passion.
i'll shut up now. because lets face it.. i'm probably scaring him off.. lol
♥

promises probably don't mean much right now but if you're reading this;

i will never let you go,
just so that you know,
from mine to yours,
my love will show ♥

yes indeed, i love you♥

When you miss someone like crazy

my boyfriend has been in amsterdam for three days. i saw him on tuesday and i'm going bonkers from not seeing him because tuesday ended rather bizarrely. he took me out for a meal... how lovely yes, but he was extremely inconsiderate when he sent a generalised text to me and everyone else on his contact list. oh yes, very insensitive, but still i miss him alot.. its almost like having a loved one die (L)
i've been told by him he'll be back tomoro but i have no idea when. it would be so great if i actualy knew when he would be back. sometimes i just get too concerned.
i just want to be in his arms once again :)

comment and leave some lovely moments of yours and your partners goodbyes whether its been for a holiday or just to say goodbye after a lovely evening together (:

ciao...xoxo

Updating...

well some of you guys may know, i have a new boyfriend. his name is chris.
one of the nicest guys i've ever met and managed to get myself. handsome. talented. etc. we all like a guy who's like that don't we? well if i'm honest so much has gone on that im questioning how much he wants to be with me. you see the things i do when in a relationship aren't that great and aren't that reasonable.
its been just over a month now, i find myself falling for him. surprising i know.
but i have. he's an extremely loveable person and very very talented.
i dont wish to break up but certain things i know will possibly drive him to do so.
fortunately for me i've somehow talked him into staying with me?

he cares about me and i care about him. we're happy together and like each other very muhch. he tells me most girls he see's for a month never mke it past a month and yet, i have.
i've made it into a serious relationship which neither of us wanted. but i want to take things as they come. if we break up i want it to be on mutual grounds. and the fact that its the right thing to do.
i want him to know i'm happy with him and that i trust him. i think the only thing i really cant stand about him is the way he jokes about having other girls (and guys) on the side. but secretly i'm giggling inside.

tomoro i am leaving for newcastle so even though i really rarely do a blog post anymore i've decided to tell you anyways :)
i do hope you all have had a wonderful easter hols or even just a good easter :)

happy holidays (Y)

Ciao...xoxo