When you can't let go of somebody you've just got a hold of them

I can't say how many times i've got a boyfriend and tried to hold on to them but managed pushing them away at the same time.

things seems to be going from bad to worse. my hearts hidden itself away so that it doesn't get shattered again. and my minds the one taking control. and because my minds not in the right place its making everything worse. things aren't peicing together. like the way he makes me smile when he texts me with something really nice. or when he kisses me and the whole world stops around me because his kisses are just bliss. i'm happy or i'd like to think i am.

im not as upset recently as i have been but for some reason i care too much about what he does or what he says or doesn't say.
the other night i had my drama performance, which he was supposed to come to but had to work. obviously understandable. after the performance we'd arranged for me to get on a bus and go to where he was working. the whole evening ended in disaster. we're stuck in a rut and can't seem to get out.
for the past few weeks i've managed to get to know him and whats he's like. he loves hanging with his friends. going out drinking, and eating mcdonalds, a fair bit. but i noticed that night from how i made it sound. he thought i was taking him for a ride. basically once i'd finished performing i wass knackered. my head wans't in the right place and i could barely think. so i decided not to go. my best friend RMG had come to see me and so we had to drop her off.so i'm sat in the car after talking to chris. and to make matters worse my mum then invited my RMG round to stay. brilliant. then i get home and chill he calls me and i tell him i'm playing on the wii with my brother and rosa. he then gets annnoyed because he thought i was blowing him off because i didn't want to go..
i feel awful about it. and im still very worried that he's going to end me. i wouldn't blame him because my heads not where its supposed to be at.

i really like this guy i dont want to give up because he's not given up on me (Y).

Ciao xoxo

i believe i ow an apology

Sorry.
if you dont understand this go to a post named "Jacob Williamson" and it says a few things about him :) tbf it happened my ego got bruised and a lashed out. i suppose it isn't fair. and can i just say to who told him. CALLUM MOORE. fuck you, you're a while prick. sooner you realise that sooner people are gonna hate you for it, and trust me on this one girls....i have had to put up with my besst friend crying because of this wanker and SHE'S STILL WITH HIM. now thats what i call love. callum treat her right or i'm gonna kill you with my on hands.

Ciao xoxo...(x)

Blogging after a week away :)

Well i'm back!
from a week in london away from miserable snow & rain infested Derby.
what a week! i loved it, well when is london never gonna be brilliant eh?
today has been the first full day back in old derby town and its been sunny, i can feel summer just round the corner now!
but i had to walk from littleover in high heels...major lol because i now have blood on the back of my heels! hahahaha jokes :')

some severe blodne moments today as well, first thinking that scousers are geordies then something else i can't remember. it has been the giggiliest days ever! when sat on the bus to littleover i saw a car with the license plate that read; M1S5 FSH. MAJOR GIGGLES hahahahahhaha
then when getting off in littleover seeing an old man crossing the road walking like he'd crapped himself...again MAJOR GIGGLES :')
it was such a fun first day back and i got to spend it wit a good freind Adam Simpson :) he's pretty darn cool, computer technician for A&E hospital in mickleover :) and is always on XBOX live :L thanks for the great day out (Y)

ciao xoxo...(x)