everyday shit like this happens...

school, Gcse's, sixth form and college.
school has never been a strong point of mine, but when i aimed to get into a certain sixth form i failed to meet their standards or wants.
now im left shattered and without hope for a future in anything. my hopes and dreams brokn. never again able to pick my spirit up or the hope of getting in. a small small small chance of tomoro being a new day. a day when my mother calls and asks for them to reconsider their disition if i take resits or take other subjects. if there is any option for them to take me on.
my one dream this past year has been shot down with a gun several times.
i can barely speak to my JD without breaking down in tears, the school he goes to has declined me from coming.

withdrawal. rejected. and dead.
three words that would sum up how i feel and what they've done to me.
i thought getting dumped was painful but this is even worse.
it like getting your heart broken a thousand times and then having someone kill someone very close to you.

i've been crying all day. and i cant seem to feel at all happy. this is by far the worst i've felt in a long time.
and now theres nothing i can do about it.
so many people thought i was going there, my best friend, JD, my mum & dad. other friends and other relatives. what a disappointment.
i hope nothing affects me and JD i dont think i could cope with something goign wrong there too. i just want to go to the grammar school. the one place i had my heart set on. i would give anything in the world to go there right now for sixth form. i cant describe anything in words right now so forgive me for the appauling grammar and depressing mood. i hope you understand :/

thanks for reading
Cioa xoxo

ergh....

ok so who knew summer was gonna be a dud this year?...not me thats for sure its gonna be my longest summer in my life and its absolutely crap.

hmmm oh dear. right well this may be my last update but i'll let you know whats gonna be happeneing in my last 3/4 weeks of my holiday, this week im spending as much time as i can with my JD. He leaves the day before me unfrotunatley so im sailing with him tomoro which should be good (mind you its in a 4km deep water in carsington with his best friend and his best friends girlfriend) not that im complaining i think that me and elle (pronouced ellie and is the best friends girlfriend) could be quite good friends, we have similarities(: .
anywho the nest three weeks or so until the 1st of septembet will be spent in scandinavia with family and a few friends. i plan on doing loads of activities that i wouldn't normally be able to catch up on here in the UK. sun bathing being at the top of my list :D
however three weeks of sheer bliss in one aspect may lead to misery for another. love can hopefully remain between us too i want nothing to change and it to remain within my grasp. fairwell for three weeks then a year or two stuck with Jd* through my A level years of busy busy busy. i hope thats not gonna ruin anything.... ok so maybe an update to or so, but tonight and right now are meant for relaxing watching sex and the city and failing to sleep...goodnight all and comment comment comment :P :) chao xoxo